I want to start by thanking everyone for their words of encouragement and hugs, they are much appreciated!!
Snodderly~Today flat out sucked, not because of H but because of work, I feel like I can't win anywhere! I haven't actually seen H, expect briefly as he was walking to his room this morning, no interaction. Last night I didn't get home until around 10, I went to an old friends house, someone I haven't seen since high school, it was nice to catch up with her, she's a very positive person and strong in her faith, God brought her back into my life at the perfect time. Of course tonight H isn't home yet and it's after 9.... so back to escaping behaviors, Yea! (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm) Oh and the toothbrush is firmly planted on the far side of the sink. Who knows if he will contemplate the seeds I have planted, like I said he seemed as if he never even thought of the idea of a new and improved relationship. I just keep trusting everything to God, he has a plan. Every time I feel anxiety rise up I remind myself of that, and that H is a broken man, I have seen it when I look into his eyes. You have to be pretty broken to think I was trying to pick a fight over an AC being turned off.... gotta control it all... life is spinning so far out of control gotta control every little bit of it.... or pretend he can anyway. Oh when will rock bottom come? It saddens me to think he could choose to be in this replay behavior forever, eternally searching for happiness that can only be found within himself.
I also had a strange experience at the bank today. I went in to see about refinancing, I'm not sure if I will be able to swing it, but I keep praying God will all work it out. When I went in I said to the lady, I don't know anything about refinancing, but I need to, my husband is having a MLC and wants to leave so I need to see if I can afford the house on my own. She was very empathetic. After she told me about the options and gave me their mortgage lady's card (she travels to different branches, I will be calling her tomorrow), she asked me a lot of questions about the whole MLC thing. I answered her and mentioned this site and what a God send everyone here is. She then started to tell me some things her H has been doing and saying, and let me tell you, red flags abound.... so like I said I recommended her checking out this site as well as Hero's Spouse. She was very grateful for the recommendations. Isn't it funny the people who are brought into our lives at certain times?
warriorshadow~ Thank you for your kind words. During that last interaction with H I did begin to see the empty shell of a person he currently is, and it's sad. It makes me said to know I can't help and that he won't get the help he needs for himself. I am trying to continue to get a life, but with all the money that's going to be needed for the house situation funds are tight, but it will be ok, it will all work out the way it is supposed to, of this I am sure. I'm not sure if I will like it or not, but that doesn't matter in the big picture.
wishing, hoping~ Thank You! Just knowing you care are words of encouragement enough. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know I'm not going through this alone, even though I wish no one would ever have to feel this pain again.
irishblessings~Thank you for your advice. Trust me I am avoiding him as much as possible. I came home late last night, and he, well, just walked in a few minutes ago and it's a bit after 9 at the moment. So when I am done responding here I will retreat to my room, doors closed.
verab754 ~ Thank you! And LOL, I had a funny mental picture of an alien toddler, and it was running around in feety PJ's! (I'm strange, I know)
BeingMe~ Weird indeed... like hello if you are so hell bent on leaving shouldn't you realize you are going to need another place to live??? But no, wait, that's right I'M the crazy one.... LOL
Well apparently we are back to asking to use things... he just popped his head in and asked if I minded if he used the computer when I'm done. I just said, nope that's fine. I should have told him there would be a fee. LOL
