I'm sorry. She had said several times that through her issues with sex, she honestly no longer had any desire for sex whatsoever but she did want a certain imtamscy level so that is why she wanted me to rub her back or her feet for extended times. Much more than just a " quickly" foot or back massage.
It was somewhat you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. She would do " something" sexual for me and in return she would get the combo back/foot massage you'd normally have to pay for. I even read books to improve my methods to see that she was getting the best massage I could give.
Joey, Is she on any kind of hormones? Be it for BC or other? After the birth of our son I got a synthetic hormone releasing IUD. Come to find out, 6 years later and on the verge of divorce due to my lack of libido (also somewhat painful intercourse), my BC has played a major role in both of the above areas and depression and a variety of other things that are so diverse it's nuts. This type of BC does not cause issues in everyone, in fact the majority of people do just fine but it could be an avenue to investigate. I wish you well and hope you both can find answers. Please understand that I am not trying to come to your wife's defense but there could be more underneath the surface. I had a hard to time going to Drs because every time I tried to get answers I was told everything looked normal. If she's discouraged help he understand that sometimes what is normal for most is not necessarily normal for all. Fine a new Dr, keep trying to get answers. Eventually you will come across a Dr that will think outside the box and actually treat the individual.
lillystillinlove M:43 H:49 T:17 M:16 S:6 Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY H moved out 7/27/12 H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive
So today she emails me and tells me that she is not comfortable here anymore and things are awkward and bothersome. She wants to proceed with the DIY divorce paperwork and if things change, which she doubts, we just won't sign them. Which means she will want a "settlement talk" soon. How should I respond?
I ignored the later part of her email mentioned above and asked her what exactly is making you feel awkward and uncomfortable? I don't follow her around the house, I don't tell her I love her. Nothing. When she gets home she sits on the far end of the couch and reads. I then play with our son Fter diviner until bath/ bedtime. I do the bath and she does bedtime
So while our son was eating I went into the little sun room off the kitchen to read. She came into the kitchen after 20 min or so and ask what I was doing in there by myself. I said " you said you felt awkward and uncomfortable around me so I am giving you space". She then said, " you don't have to sit in here, you can come in here with me and read"
I swear I think she is bi polar it something. I don't know what she wants or how she thinks I should act
A few weeks ago during one of our talks she said, " maybe we will be one of those couples that divorce and remarry a few years later".
Huh??? Who says or thinks that?
As of now, I plan to keep reading the DR book and try to detach and get things in my own life right
Is it bothering her or making her awkward or uncomfortable that our son wants to do things with me/ sit with me in the evenings?
Two weekends ago she wanted to take him to the movies alone but he didn't want to go if I wasn't going. This past weekend he wanted to go to the movies just with me while my wife was away working for the day.
Next time do not say " You said you felt ........ "
Just say.
"Wife. I just wanted to enjoy some quiet time and look out over the garden while I am reading. Beautiful day" Then just give a smile and go back to reading.
Stuff that makes you think HUH.
Keep quiet or just nod your head.
Next time with the DIY. Tell her your looking at your options.
And you should look at your options. You need to go talk to a lawyer and find out your rights and what to expect.
Financial settlement.
Do you exactly what you have , assets , debts, income taxes for the last 5 years. Expenses.
If not.
How can you do a DIY without any knowledge.
Always remember that sticking your head in the sand is no plan.
You need to prepare for either event.
And a word of advice.
Stop trying to figure out what she wants or how she will act.
You work on your own thoughts and actions.
And I reiterate.
Do not leave your home or your bed. Nor does your child.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Some women have serious changes after giving birth. My question is your definition of it being a charade? Postpartum depression is a serious issue and so is vaginal pain. Were u that insensitive?
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
So while our son was eating I went into the little sun room off the kitchen to read. She came into the kitchen after 20 min or so and ask what I was doing in there by myself. I said " you said you felt awkward and uncomfortable around me so I am giving you space". She then said, " you don't have to sit in here, you can come in here with me and read"
I swear I think she is bi polar it something. I don't know what she wants or how she thinks I should act
She's confused, but I'd guess any pressure is what she wants to avoid, not any together calmness.
Originally Posted By: joeyp130
A few weeks ago during one of our talks she said, " maybe we will be one of those couples that divorce and remarry a few years later".
Huh??? Who says or thinks that?
You'd be surprised. My W seems to be in that boat. She wants the D before she's really willing to consider working on it. Weird huh? If you can peel back the onion though, maybe you can figure out what's going on. In my case, my W feels controlled, and doesn't think she can alleviate that feeling without D....but I only know that because I listened, and asked questions.
A few weeks ago during one of our talks she said, " maybe we will be one of those couples that divorce and remarry a few years later".
Huh??? Who says or thinks that?
You'd be surprised. My W seems to be in that boat. She wants the D before she's really willing to consider working on it. Weird huh? If you can peel back the onion though, maybe you can figure out what's going on. In my case, my W feels controlled, and doesn't think she can alleviate that feeling without D....but I only know that because I listened, and asked questions.
When they say that crap. You reply back. That not only are you divorcing a husband. But your also divorcing your best friend. When we are divorced we will not remain friends. We will co-parent our child. That is it.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
A few weeks ago during one of our talks she said, " maybe we will be one of those couples that divorce and remarry a few years later".
Huh??? Who says or thinks that?
I think if you keep reading through the threads, you'll see that that is actually a pretty common thing for WAS to say.
My H thinks that once we get a D, we can move on with our lives, and then maybe reconcile in the future.
Why we couldn't just work on things now before a divorce if there is a chance it could work? H doesn't think it works that way.
Right now, I'm standing for my M, even though I know there would have to be a lot of changes to make it work again. If we do end up with a D, I'll see how I feel then.
I see that you're new to the site, so I'd recommend reading as many of the threads as possible. Although you may think what you're going through is crazy, and it most likely is, you'll see that a lot of us on here are going through the exact same things.
It helps to feel that you're not alone in all of this.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
