Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

Patiently waiting for posts to go up so I thought I'd write. I'm just stewing about the what ifs and convincing myself that H moving out is just the next slow step on the path to D. I think he wants to see how our son does and if H can live with those consequences he's gone. I guess this could be considered mind reading but it's hard not to do. I'm not sure if I mentioned this but I am in contact with the OW's H or he's in contact with me. The OW is moving out too, she's signed a year lease but won't tell her H where. I'm not too concerned about physical contact, she lives over an hour away but contact by phone or email is harder to put aside. I know I can do nothing about it but it pisses me off to no end that they could be continuing some kind of relationship.
I've drafted an email to her giving her my 2 cents focusing mostly on my son and her daughters and how could she continue any contact knowing the damage they are doing and letting her know that I am still grasping for reasons for why she CHOSE to do this to me, her close (to the point we called each other family) friend. I personally couldn't fathom doing that to anyone much less a friend, throw children into the mix it would be impossible. All this brings me right back to my H, asking the same questions. Who is this person, take me out of the equation and how could he do that to our son, those girls and his very good friend, her H. I sit in wonder sometime trying to reconcile it and it seems impossible.

I spoke with my counselor yesterday and it was a good session, I felt strong after leaving. She's very encouraging and seems to follow a lot of what is spoken about here. No guarantees, stay calm and collected in your interactions with H, give him the space he's looking for right now. Be clear about expectations when it comes to our son, just the facts, nothing more. All advances should come from his side. I doubt I'll see any but I have my fingers crossed.

I think H is finally understanding why I was preferring to email, for me I'm able to say what I think I need to say, I don't get interrupted or thrown off point, I can take my time and adjust my language... Except for when we are at our joint session we have only talked about his move via email. He actually expressed that he understands. He may be softening a little, he actually asked me to join them (H & S) at the movies and even thought I instantly thought that he only asked because I wasn't ready and couldn't get ready in time to join them, I kept my cool and said thanks but I think I'll stay home. I learned a lesson though, always be ready JIC I may want to go, if he asks again!! Take that! So I'll stop my rambling now, can't wait for the feedback.