I am back home now and finally settled back in. I had quite a bit to do before I was able to sit down. I just checked my emails and my H sent a really nice email. I didn't see it until after he texted me a 'welcome home' text. So, that was a nice and lovely unexpected surprise.
On the way home, I was considering how I was going to proceed. This is what I decided on:
1/ Zero expectations of my H - in fact, try not to think too much about it as I get frustrated and tired and sad. No pressure. Looking to minimise that. 2/ No active dating of anyone since my heart needs a break 3/ Focus on my career and degree, and get that in order as a priority in my life 4/ Continue to develop my friendships and social life myself (I joined a book club recently and might join another club that interests me) 5/ Be patient with myself and loving of myself - I will know when the time is right for me to develop other areas of my life - just listen to me. 6/ Enjoy my single life - which gives me the opportunity to be quite self-focused among other things.
Overall, focus on what I do have.
I gave things a lot of thought on the trip back, and did accept that I have not consistently given my H enough emotional support in this time of his life. I also realised how guilty I felt for potentially driving him in this direction - my own MLC set his off - so I do have a sense of responsibility. I still have some resentments to work through myself. I also realise that I should not rush anything as it is counterproductive and could lead to more problems.
There's a fine line between giving too much emotional support and remaining in balance.
