Started reading my old threads and it's doing a lot to realign me. To be honest I hadn't realized so much had happened between H and I in 2 weeks time. No wonder I'm being thrown for a loop and feeling confused. But listening to myself is sometimes good
Quote:
I'm not scared now. I'm not running to get to a goal. When I walked away I was. When I went out every weekend and met loads of guys I was. If we never R and this is all there is I'll be okay. I've gained this independence and calm I never had. I know I want a M that looks different to what I had and I'm not sure who that will be with
I like this sentence if we never R and this all there is I'll be okay. Is that still true? yeah, isn't this what I wanted. His friendship, things not to feel weird, both of us happy? This is what I'm getting so I'm happy with that and I should be happy if it never comes to anything more.
Quote:
I would type I don't know what to make of all that...but I just keep looking at my title. I have no expectations that any of tonight made any difference to anything. And I'm not changing my "plan" based on this.
Quote:
Cheryl said that I need to make him feel good when he's around me and I think that's the enviornment I strive for. Even if we don't R, why wouldn't I want the person I called my best friend to feel anything BUT good around me.
I think this most of all it's so true. I care about him as a person, as a man that helped me raise my child, as someone I shared a massive chunk of my life with and had crazy adventures with and if we can have a fun happy friendship then that's success.
