Started reading my old threads and it's doing a lot to realign me. To be honest I hadn't realized so much had happened between H and I in 2 weeks time. No wonder I'm being thrown for a loop and feeling confused. But listening to myself is sometimes good
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I'm not scared now. I'm not running to get to a goal. When I walked away I was. When I went out every weekend and met loads of guys I was. If we never R and this is all there is I'll be okay. I've gained this independence and calm I never had. I know I want a M that looks different to what I had and I'm not sure who that will be with
I like this sentence if we never R and this all there is I'll be okay. Is that still true? yeah, isn't this what I wanted. His friendship, things not to feel weird, both of us happy? This is what I'm getting so I'm happy with that and I should be happy if it never comes to anything more.
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I would type I don't know what to make of all that...but I just keep looking at my title. I have no expectations that any of tonight made any difference to anything. And I'm not changing my "plan" based on this.
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Cheryl said that I need to make him feel good when he's around me and I think that's the enviornment I strive for. Even if we don't R, why wouldn't I want the person I called my best friend to feel anything BUT good around me.
I think this most of all it's so true. I care about him as a person, as a man that helped me raise my child, as someone I shared a massive chunk of my life with and had crazy adventures with and if we can have a fun happy friendship then that's success.
I think I was having expectations...and if you are expecting something to happen then you're leaving yourself open to disappointment and rejection. Without realising it part of me was thinking he does want me back, we can make this work. And while there's nothing wrong with thinking that per se, thinking that could change the dynamic I create when I'm around him...those feelings could change the happy no pressure environment into a bit of anxiety.
H is always a go with the flow guy, see what happens, etc.....and now I'm learning to do the same.
I slept really good last night. I have a friend coming this weekend.
you're right, of course. it's so hard for a controller, like me, to not think about how the future is going to turn out and to try to make it happen. i'm a fixer.
any suggestions on how to get those kinds of thoughts out of my brain?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Oh I'm a controller/fixer too! I'm not sure exactly how I learned to stop trying to fix and control. I read co-dependent no more and I seriously accepted that it was over. Your sitch is differnt, so it's an even harder fine line to walk. I think you have to say to yourself that you will be okay no matter what. You're a wonderful person with a lot to offer and you will be okay and you will have a wonderful relationship whether that's with him or not. If you start to truly believe that, it changes everything.
I know that I am re-attaching instead of detaching because I say something funny that I wanted to tell him about and then I was like oh, should I text him I don't know? I was never worried about this previously and the fact that I'm second guessing myself means I need to detach. Be bright breezy and fun.
I ended up texting him and he replied, but over text I didn't know if he was laughing or not so then I acted a bit needy I think cringe!!!!
He liked a couple of my statuses on FB which he wasn't doing a few weeks ago.
I need to detach. I am seeing him Friday morning and I'm not going to pursue. Grace put something really helpful on her thread. It's important to not expect, hope, or wish. Back to Xena!!!!
I've said before and I'll say it again. FWIW in following your sitch and thinking in terms of if I were your H (been there minus the W changing her mind part), I still bet on the side that you are going to get another shot in the future, should you decide to take it. It seems like what you're doing is chipping away at him, keep it up! :-)
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
I agree. And I think that you are detached as much as one practically can be while still actually caring about another person. If you didn't care, there would be no detaching because there was no attaching to detach from. Wow, hope that doesn't sound entirely convoluted.
This song gets played a lot on radio in the UK...but I've never really listened to the words...I'll sing along but today I listened and had to share it with you guys (at the picnic)
I know that it's over But I can't believe we're through They said that time's a healer And I'm better without you It's gonna take time I know But I'll get over you
[Chorus:] Look at my life Look at my heart I have seen them fall apart Now I'm ready to rise again Look at my hopes Look at my dreams I'm building bridges from these scenes Now I'm ready to rise again
Caught up in my thinking, yeah Like a prisoner in my mind You pose so many questions But the truth was hard to find I better think twice I know That I'll get over you
[Chorus]
Much time has passed between us Do you still think of me at all? My world of broken promises Now you won't catch me when I fall
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The farther I get from the "newcomer fever" the more I realize that the hurt and pain I felt inside wasn't imposed by him but by things I'd believed wrongly to be true because our marriage was ending and because of choices he made.
He is still the man I met who literally tripped over himself opening the door for me on our first date, he's still the man I knew would be there for me no matter what....and I'm still the girl that he took one look at and said now this is the type of girl I should be with, the girl he said made him a better person, made him interested in the world around him. So maybe THOSE things aren't true anymore, but neither of us morphed into monsters overnight. I've forgiven him and accepted his choices. And I've forgiven myself and accepted that I can grow and not be afraid.
