Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

[AntoniaB]

Oh man Tad, the post you wrote that was entirely about you....BRAVO. With that post, you took all the focus off her and put it entirely on you, and I don't know if you can see it, but there is real progress there. You are going to think there isn't because it's a post that is really steeped in depression. But you can't change what you don't acknowledge (I think Dr. Phil said that?) and by acknowledging where you are--this sort of land of depression and sadness and not wanting to be in any relationships and not knowing what to do--you can begin the process of navigating your way out.

The post after that one that you wrote, the one where you respond to individual things and break down stuff--see how that post goes back onto the XW a good bit, on your perception that she's moved on and happy and you're so stuck? Ok...you got that out of your system, now leave it alone. Because any time you start comparing your progress or what you see as your lack of progress to her, you take the focus off you and put it back on her. And that ultimately is very destructive to you moving on.

You are very hard on yourself. You are very self-deprecating and you put yourself down a lot. You say you're not the best writer? I think you express yourself well. And I'm a published writer so I know what I'm talking about ;-)

You put yourself down a lot. Your self-esteem is pretty poor.

Try to find ways to reverse your comments about yourself. When you say you're a loser, you need to summon the courage to yell at the part of you that feels that way and argue with it and say no, I'm a survivor. If "winner" is too tough to conceive of, then just say you're a survivor and you're developing resiliency.

But again, I have to say that the post where you focused entirely on you, though you may have felt it was sad or painful to write, well, there is true honesty there in terms of your deep core feelings about yourself. THAT is the place you need to keep going back to to work on improving your self-esteem and confidence.

My doctor gave me a great tip. She said when we are really mired in deep depression, that sometimes we have to resist the urge to fix everything. She said "imagine you're in a snowstorm, and the snow all around you is the chaos and anxiety and depression, and instead of trying to ESCAPE the storm, your only job is to get your footing. That's it."

Just get your footing Tad. If all you can do is get through your day, go to work, and be sad, then whatever. It's something. You have to stop being so hard on yourself.

And the other thing I'd suggest is if you're on anti-d's and you're feeling a lot of low lows, perhaps consider medication switches. Sometimes those things have to be adjusted.

I'm not anti-d's anymore, but I am under the care of a naturopathic doctor who prescribes herbs and vitamins in supplements and if I take them they do take the edge off for me...sometimes we need to be on some form of medication for longer than we'd like to get through, but we do what we have to.