I'm still a relative newbie working on my own problems, but I'll throw out some things that came to my mind:
Have you guys been to her doctor to figure out what the physical issue is? If it was me, I'd be digging into that to try to understand it more at the very least. This is not her problem, it's both of yours.
It sounds like you've pushed a lot of guilt on her, and she is lost. Maybe she thinks she's doing you a favor by cutting you lose to find someone else.
My W is non-confrontational as well...but a lot of this has to do with how we've chosen to problem solve historically....fighting. When we take an issue and calmly discuss our feelings, she's much more willing to engage.
Your love language sounds like physical touch. what do you think hers is? Have you been giving her that? (check out The Five Love Languages if this is foreign to you)
Have you read DR or DB yet? Definitely get a copy asap.
