Hey all--I finally have my mind clear enough and calm enough to sit and put this all down. I will keep all future post and updates here as well. I don't know how much to go into but I will try and share as much as possible.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years last April. We dated for a year before that and we were friends for another year before that. So a total of about 12 years into our relationship.
Things were great for a very long time. We did lots of things together.
Then, 5 years ago, we had a son. And that is where I believe things started to break down.
When our son was born, she had a natural child birth and there was quite a bit of "damage". She had to be cut as well. We were told to wait 6-8 weeks before resuming normal sexual contact. We did wait.
I should note here that before our son was born, we had a very, very active sex life. She seemed to want it and enjoy it as much as I did. We were probably engaged in some sort of sexual activity I would say 4-5 times a week.
Now fast forward about a year after we resume sex---our sex is now down to once a week or once every other week. It is our anniv. and her parents have our son for the night. We go out to dinner and a movie then back home. We start to fool around then about halfway into "the act" I notice a horrible look on her face. I stop and ask what is wrong. She hems around a bit but she finally tells me that it is hurting really bad. More than normal. I ask what does that mean? "More than normal?" She then tells me that sex has been extremely painful for her since our son was born and she has been "faking it" ever since just to keep me happy.
I should also note here that at some point she struggled with post partum(sp?) depression for about year as well and was on meds for it.
I was devastated. It bothered me that she kept up the charade for so long and it bothered me that she didn't tell me sooner.
So since the last 5 years our relationship has lost almost all intamacy. She would "do things" for me and I would in return rub her back or her feet or whatever.
She then developed issues with sleeping and said my snoring made it worse. I tried several things to help my snoring but she said it still bothered her alot. So I started to sleep in the guest bedroom or on the couch.
In the last few years--we have become really distant. I contineud to talk with her--talk about my day--good or bad, while she would withdraw even more. We spoke several times of going to marriage counseling but nothing ever would come of it. We would buy MC books by Dr. Phil and others but they would just sit.
I had the nerve several times to ask her if she didn't want or care about sex at all(she had said this several times) then why should she care if I slept with another woman. O know that it was a huge mistake--and I told her I didn't want or desire to sleep with anyone else, but I was just trying to further the conversation.
She is very, VERY non confrontational. She never says a peep when something is bothering her and only withdraws more when I notice something is wrong and ask about it. I am the type that WANTS to talk about things and get them out.
Ok--so now fast forward to our anniv a few months ago in April. I had received some very bad advice on another forum. I read that I should act like or leave little hints that I was having an affair and judge her reaction. I started to think of how I could do it, but in the end I didn't do it. In fact, I was honest about it and told her as an admission of guilt. I told her it was immature and would be hurtful to her so it was something I didn't want to do.
That was her turning point.
So last month we are on a family vacation. Me, her, our son, my teenage daughter from my 1st marriage, and her parents. On the 2nd or 3rd day she just seemed pissed off at me about everything. No matter what I did or said was wrong.
Later that day, I need to make a call about a job interview, so I went into her purse to get a pen and paper for something to write on while I talked to the guy about the interview. It was then that I found her appt card for a therapist she had been seeing. Me going into her purse had never been an issue. She put things of mine in her purse all the time and that is where we kept things for our son. There has never been one time there was ever an issue of me going into her purse--in fact she only started even caring a purse after our son was born.
So later that night at bed time I told her about the job interview and we talk for a few min about the day and I asker her about the appt card for the therapist. She said she had only seen her 3 times because she was miserable and very unhappy. She didn't love me anymore and wants a divorce.
Thats been a month ago.
She is 100% adamnet things cant be fixed.
She agreed to go to one MC session with me and then we would see what happens next. We wnet to to session and within the first 10 min she says she is only there to try and get help to manage our post divorce relationship.
To make things worse, I am not working now. I quit my job last year to go back to school full time to finish my degree. It was something she agreed with at the time and supported. The plan was for her to go back to school for her MS degree when I was done.
So I have a year left starting next month.
She wants to do a DIY divorce and avoid lawyers and the chance of it getting ugly. I think she wants that as well to avoid her having to pay me more than what a judge would most likely give me in a settlement.
She says she's not having an affair, but I am only 50/50 on believing that.
OK--sorry for the very long post. I am sure I left alot out. I will only update here in this thread.
TY all for the patience with me. You all know how and what I am going through now.
