And she is in an admitted EA with another man....????
Like I asked earlier....
Are you comfortable with this ???
She had never admitted to having an emotional affair with the guy...I'm not even sure she'd agree with me on what an emotional affair was (unless I started having one, and then maybe we'd come to some agreement).
To be fair to her, I have had problems with insecurity and jealously for most of our marriage. It's only been the last 18 months that I've started to get my head on straight. She's been talking to this guy for probably 4 years now, and I've been complaining about it for most of that period. In my defense, she did have some sexting thing going on with another guy about 5-6 years ago, so when I saw the tons and tons of texts, and the hours and hours on the phone, I was hyper-sensative to it. His wife has been worse than me and has called my wife a whore for a couple of years now.
With that said, I think their relationship has escalated over the last couple of years. She's actually spent less time with him, but I think they know entirely too much about each other. She is always talking to him about his kids and family. One point of contention with us is when she gets on the phone with him at 8-9pm at night or when we're trying to eat dinner, or do something together. As long as it's work related, I really don't mind much, as I can understand some of this stuff bleeds into the evening, but as soon as she starts asking about did he get invited to this wedding, or how is his son doing, I think, hey, do you really need to invest our family time in that? She's gotten better about it....not that she's stopped, she just tries not to do it at home. I have caught them together drinking and hanging out multiple times. Still, to this day, she insists they are only friends. He appreciates her opinion, and makes her feel valued, but she said there's absolutely nothing more than that.
She did admit that she told him something like "you're the reason I can get up in the morning" or something similar, but that's been a fairly recent event. I view that as an escalation of their relationship, and no, I'm absolutely not ok with it.
With all that said, she and I did discuss this the other day (we have talked about it a lot honestly). I told her that I wasn't pushing for her to not work with the guy or anything as I really believe, if we fix our relationship, and I can meet her needs like I should have been all along, then her deal with him would take care of itself. Anyway, I couldn't really mandate that she not work with him, or socialize with him anyway, as she'd just see that as control. I have asked her to read about emotional affairs so she could better judge if her relationship was ok, but again, that's "MY WAY" and doesn't help.
When I have tried to put it in the context of "you wouldn't accept that behavior from me" she says things like "you're just not as social as I am" or "you're not a people person." It's easier to explain it away than actually look at it.
