MLCers tell themselves the children will be fine with what they've done because they don't want to believe they could cause any harm. So, in essence, if the children have a problem with it, it must be the LBS poisoning their minds.
Brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. Oh how true that statement is and unfortunately I'm sensing I'm in the beginning stages of this.
My W brought it to my attention that S12 went off on her and blamed her for moving out and pretty much everything else. I avoid saying anything at all about my W. I may have to respond occasionally to something, but it's along the lines of she made a decision and I have to respect that. I'll occasionally mention that their mom loves them, but I generally keep any talk about her to a minimum.
I agree that sanity is crucial at this point. There's a huge difference in the approach my W has towards the kids and my approach. I listen until their done talking and then look for productive statements/questions that allow them the opportunity to open up more and get things off their chest. My W gets mad at S12 and blasts him for not being able to make him happy. As for S6, she just asks stupid questions that have risky outcomes for someone as shakey as she can be - "Don't you want to spend time with me?". She got a "no" from S6 last time she asked that. Even I know better than to ask a dumb question like that. Kids minds change by the hour based on what their doing at that time. Don't force them into a corner.
GM - Your story is evolving. Last I was reading your posts, things were "less" hostile and your spouse seemed to be creeping in and out of the tunnel. Now it would seem he's flat out bat poop crazy. Your kids are giving you some really great props and you don't have to over analyze to feel good about it.
Your kids don't want to be around him, they want to be with you so you must be doing something right. I've never said anything about it to S12, but it makes me feel pretty good when he gets to stay with me and he will make the off comment that he loves the smell of home ( I get to keep the house ). It's a simple comment, but it also means he likes being around me too. My W doesn't seem to pay much attention to the fact that he's watching and listening to her so she flaps her gums a bit too much. I didn't take the bait when he wanted to talk about the things she's said about me. I let him say his piece and offered no inquiry and made no comment. I simply smiled and offered an "Oh well."
I'm sure you've heard it before or read it here in the forums, it's been mentioned to me numerous times. Do you believe you're worth fighting for? Like me and many of us here, you probably fought for someone that resented you for it. Thing is, somewhere along the line you have to look back at where you were and where you are and see the difference in the person you are today. If thinking about who you are today gives you warm fuzzies, then you've done pretty good and you are worth fighting for.
I fought for my W for a few years and somewhere along the lines I learned I was worth fighting for too. Whatever my W has to say about me to other people or to our kids, makes no difference to me. You reap what you sow and even if things get hard, I'm better equipped today to handle things and I'm not the least bit concerned about having to repair relationships with those closest to me. Stay positive GM. Kids will reflect the attitude of the parent they are with. Mine are happy to come home and that works fine for me.
