I probably blew it.

[Vorlon]

Robb,

Mine is a somewhat old song and dance of the married man. Nothing to dramatic but all the same issues. My marriage was in real trouble about 5 years ago. Nothing like many here have had to deal with but a significant challenge nontheless. I believ my wife is BPD but not overly sever. Well at least today:-)

I worked on me first. Lot's of reading and studying. [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed] . A big point in my life was when I decided I would be fine without her if it came to that and that I am not soley responsible for her happines. Told my wife that I was not her jailer and if she wanted to leave she knew where the door was. It helped and we had some good years. My wife is struggling with death of a parent, a multistate move and losing 2 of our adult children because of the move. She doesn't work outside the home so loniness is hitting her very hard. So just a few stressors.

Now she doesn't go out and do stupid stuff but isn't happy either. We ML regularly and we work out together and spend a great deal of time together. I keep a positive attitude and do my best not to take on her missery. Her happiness will be determined by how she decides to handle her issues. I am here for her and supportive of what she needs to do but if she were to go off the rails like yours the door would shut, I would file and NEXT.

Just a week ago, she mentioned getting away from each other for a while because she said she wasn't feeling connected to me. I asked her where she planned to go because I was not going anywhere and she had just gotten back from a visit with a friend in another state and didn't enjoy it much. She looked a bit shocked and didn't bring it up again. Currently we work on the marriage every day. Its a choice we must both make each day. I am fortunate she does but in effort. But I read here and other places and fine tune my actions and reactiosn. It helps me see how others deal with things. I employ tactics learned here in my marriage. I try and share my perspectiev on things when I can. Hope this helps.