Ok, W and I had our counseling session yesterday. I am sure glad it’s over with. I can be an emotional SOB sometimes and I kept my cool. I also made sure to avoid any R talk. In a way I kept the meeting somewhat business like. W was a mess, she cried the majority of the meeting. She was very upset because the sitch is very difficult for her. She’s also hurting because of the pain the kids are having to endure and all of the financial challenges, imagine that! W said some hurtful things to me in the session. It was the first time since we separated that she was actually mean.
She stated that she likes having her freedom and the separation has taken a lot of weight off her shoulders. She also mentioned that I don’t communicate enough with her. She said all I ever say is “I agree” and “I understand”. She’s somewhat right. I am fairly guarded, maybe it’s my defense mechanism. By keeping it short and simple I avoid opening my trap too much and saying the wrong things. She doesn’t always need to know what I am doing or how I am feeling with things. If she asks I usually just say, “I am doing good and things are going well”. Every now and then I might add the comment “ Things are going good but I do miss my family”.
My W used to work full time however she’s worked part time for the last couple years. I’ve never given her a hard time about working part time however her current financial situation could improve if she decided to work full time again but she rarely ever considers the idea. She doesn’t feel the women should have to work. Her mother never had to work a day in her life so I am sure that’s why W has this mindset. Come on now!! Things are much different in today’s world. I am sorry but there’s a lot of moms that have to work full time these days!
Our financial issues have been a problem for a long time and they aren’t going to be solved overnight. They haven’t improved over the last couple months but I am working towards a solution. (It’s a work in progress) I believe that I will need to have the finances looking really good for W to ever consider reconciliation. I also realize there’s no guarantees even if I do get the finances looking better.
Like others on this board, in her eyes I am the root to all her problems. I am sure she has a lot of guilt over all this. By blaming me, it makes her feel a little better about breaking our family apart. In her mind it helps justify her decision. It’s interesting how there’s so many stories on this board that have this same common theme.
