Barn's burnt down--

[labug]

Thanks Wendy and SBR!

I realize I didn't mention my R/H in yesterday's post. Hmmmm

Things are status quo. We talk when we need to, he responds to emails and texts, no anger, no spewing. Not surprising, tho. That's him. Still waters run deep.

I realize that I have to give him space to begin to trust that I am no longer the fear-filled, controlling, angry mess that I was 16 months ago. He took a lot for a long time so it would be silly to think that it would turn around in a few months. He has noticed the difference in my R with our sons. That change has come about by me dropping the rope with them, giving them the space to make their own decisions and removing myself from the role of judge. I am their mother, here for support and advice, but only when asked.

When H bomb-dropped the path that had always been in front of me was demolished and I was scared to death. That fear is gone (for the most part) and I now know that I can choose each step on my new path.

Sometimes I'll misstep but it won't be the end of the world. In my IC appt yesterday we talked about being a toddler-I'm like a toddler just learning to walk on wobbly legs but with each step I get stronger and more balanced. I get cheers for the steps I take and encouragement to get up, dust myself off and try again when I fall.

And as far as the M is concerned, I'm OK, either way. Really. Because of that, I've been thinking of changing things up a bit but I'm not sure how.

Suggestions?