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The advice I'm giving Navy is not just advice, it's actually what I did in my sitch, and what has put us in a slow path to a possible recovery.

I better provide a frame of reference.

For those that remember roughly a year ago I was in Navy's shoes. My W acted like she hated being with me, but stayed while she made up her mind on how much she wanted to leave. She even went as far as demanding an open relationship. I was so terrified that she'd leave that whatever demand she'd make I'd comply. Much like Navy I was afraid of being seen as over bearing or a jerk that kept my wife from having a social life, and having friends.

Pretty much I'd appease and appease in the hopes that my W would see how great a guy I am, yet she would want to be with me less and less. In fact she outright disliked me as a person.

Young at Heart at one point introduced no more mr nice guy to me. The book spoke to me because it made me realize that I wasn't necessarily acting out of love but fear of being alone. So no matter how ridiculous the situation I'd accept.

I guess I see Navy's situation continuing to deteriorate after more than a year. So I have to ask when is it enough?

My W was in a sort of MLC too. She didn't know if she wanted to stay or leave. Yet she knew that she had all the time in the world to decide because I was so desperate.

So she pretty much said and did as she pleased. All she had to do was threaten to leave. It's not a dynamic neither of us is proud of.

So one day after reading no more mr nice guy. I decided to take a stand.

I don't even remember what the argument was about. I just remember saying if I was so bad of a person to be married to why doesn't she just leave? Of course this escalated the fight, she got pretty angry, even threw stuff. Didn't talk to me for a few days. I was sure it was over.

Yet when she finally calmed down, I noticed her demeanor changed. I guess she had some time to really think how much she really wanted to leave. I opened the door, told her I didn't want her to live, but if I was so terrible it may be best.

In essence she was free to choose, no pressure.

Now of course this wasn't the end. The following months were full of conflict as I started demanding she be the W I believe I deserve. (trust me I don't ask for much). The final word always being if this is unacceptable then maybe we should divorce.

It wasn't a tactic or a game technique either, I meant it. If she can't be a loving wife then we should move on. I would do my best to be a good husband but i expected the same from her.

If she did unacceptable things I would call her out, if she threatened divorced I wouldn't stand in her way.

A year later we are far from perfect, but the blatant disrespect is gone, the verbal attacks, the general irritability is gone, and while she still periodically has her doubts she is in no rush to leave. Instead physical affection has returned, we can laugh together, and enjoy spending lots of time in each others company.

In the past she could be completely vicious and get her way. I don't think she is a bad person, but we developed that dynamic where she got her way by being mean. It was all we knew.

Instead now I like to think that she knows that I love her, but it doesn't mean I will tolerate nonsense. She gets nothin out of acting out, but when she is sweet, loving, nice I can't help but just do all I can for her. We are getting closer to a relationship of mutual caring for each other. We still have work cut out for sure, but it all started with me saying enough is enough.

As for her seeing OM over Navy. I think he should simply say if your relationship with OM is so important then you need to do it as a single woman. If she wants to act single she needs to be single, if she wants to be married she needs to act married.

I know the goal of this site is to save marriages, but Navy has been on this cheese less tunnel for over a year and a half that I now. His only strategy has been to be nicer, and if that doesn't work he tries to be even more nicer. I think it's time to change it up a little.

I would never give a new person the advice I am giving Navy. That would be shooting from the hip, but based on all that has happened I think it's prudent advice.