Your T was terrible. Don't go back to that person. Do some research and find someone new. Just my 2cents
Well, now this is the guy that my H is going to be talking to weekly. Do I say something to the therapist?? Help with this please??
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
dear jks - sorry that you had to go through that therapy session.
- you may not realize it - but you actually sound much stronger than you think you do - i remember at one point feeling so shitty that i wanted to give up s and go away to avoid the pain.
know this - as you get stronger - and you will - that feeling really does go away entirely, never to come back again, i think.
no matter what goes on with your h - it will get easier and easier - even if the details of the sitch aren't that great - because each day, whether we like it or not, we get a tiny bit stronger, and that makes it easier to handle what we are facing
so hang in there
(( )) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I must be missing something. Why was the T terrible?
But it doesn't really matter because H's choice of T is his choice. And that's focusing on him, not you.
It does get better, it's painful at times but it does get so much better. However, first you have to drop the rope. That is a process, it doesn't happen over night but you have to remind yourself every time you think of him, "Drop The Rope."
You can do this.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Don't change your actions and your course based on your H's actions.
Our consistant behaviour makes a differnce in how they see us and how we see ourselves.
You're getting upset because you think he might look for a place with her. Stop thinking about his decisions and only thing about yours.
Your decision to be strong, confident, independent, happy with yourself, at peace with yourself should have nothing to do with his feelings or his decisions right now.
Don't give the therapist more power than they have. Who are they? Just another person. They don't have a crystal ball, they aren't God.
I had to stop focusing on H and focus on me and that made the biggest difference in the world!
sorry the therapy session didn't go the way yuou thought. Getting information from a third party isn't healthy.
Your H is still feeling the PEAs with the OW. The newness does where off and its back to reality. You will continue to turture yourself with thoughts about what he's doing.
You still have a lot of anger inside you.
As someone mention above, this is a process.
Forgive and letting go of negative feelings is the first step.
take the first step and believe it will bring you peace. (took me a long time to there but when I finally did, I felt good. I'm going on 3 years now, her choices are hers. they have/had consequences to them.)
Be the best you, have little or no contact with him(Only children). If talking about the kids be short and to the point and make sure you are the one who ends the communication.
You stated the T was showing you reailty. Time to show your H his.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I did speak with H's mother this morning. I asked her if she feels like this is right... does she like having OW at her house and invited to all of the family functions? She said, no... she hates seeing it but doesn't know what to do. I said, it's your house, why don't you put your foot down and tell H that as long as he's still married and WANTS to be married that he can't bring her over and around the family? He's making it so much harder because he's getting everyone emotionally connected which then just makes it impossible for him to end his R with her. She said, she knows she needs to say something because it makes her sick to her stomach everyday. I told her if she has a problem confronting him about it then tell her H to say something. I just think H isn't really living with the consequences of his actions. He gets the best of both worlds and its so easy because his family has accepted his mistress with open arms. I know I have to stop focusing on what he's doing and what his family is doing but this affects me and my children so much. SOOOOO MUCH!!! And H told the therapist that he sees now that I've made some huge changes and that he now could see how things could be better between us. But he's also distanced himself from me so much that he doesn't know if he can come back from that. Awesome!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Then H texted me tonight and told me to leave his mom out of it because I'm just stressing her out. I said she agreed with everything I said. I'm not the one stressing her out... you are. I just don't hide everything and sweep it under the rug and hope it goes away like everyone else.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
