Kevd111

[Kevd111]

By way of a quick update, wife called from the shore where she is taking some time with our kids and our niece. She first called last night and could not have been more neutral - as if she was speaking with a telemarketer rather than her husband. But I took heart in the 'system' here and did not let that get to me. I was positive, told her I thought it was great that she was having a good time with the kids and getting good weather, and that I was fine here at home doing my own stuff. She did not stay on for long and said she had to go and said goodnight.

Now, I realize that I should have been the one to leave first, but she really just beat me to the punch. In the past I would have asked "what's wrong, you sound strange" or "why are you leaving so soon we've barely had time to speak". Yeah, in other words I would not have helped my cause at all and likely would have done harm. Glad I did not do that.

Then she called earlier this morning and the difference in her was amazing. Almost weird amazing, but I'm trying not to look into it too much. She was happy and said that she and kids missed me and we discussed when they were possibly going to be heading back. Once again, I very positively reinforced that it was good for all of them, and at home I was fine and doing plenty to keep busy and having fun. I did say it was too bad I was not getting a chance to see the kids enjoy the ocean and encouraged her to take some pics, to which she replied that we would all come down again soon as a group. That made me feel good to hear.

I guess I'm not a perfect DB-er here. The standard play might have been to remain a bit more aloof or possibly skip the call altogether and call her back saying I was tied up or something. Certainly went against the 'rules' by saying that I'm sorry I was missing part of it. But, you know, I just went with my instinct and in a small way wanted her to know that I'm still connected even though I've been doing more of my own thing lately. I have felt over the past week or so that SHE has been connecting with me more - that maybe she is turning around and contemplating a move toward rebuilding. Am I jeopardizing things if I, every so often, give her a very subtle "ping" to let her know that there is still a "me" that she can strive for? I'm almost afraid that by being too much in the dark and detaching so fully that she might read that as my way of saying "I'm done" and she should not bother with her own move in my direction...

I realize some of the rules go very counter to established logic or typical relationship mannerisms, but every situation must also be different and certain rules could be tweaked to meet specific instances...

Love to hear some thoughts.