See H still lives with me and the kids, albeit part-time. I know where he is when he isn't here and I do not hesitate to tell my son where he is because my son is old enough to know the truth.
Yes H wants to be BFFs too. No thanks! With friends like that I certainly do not need enemies.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Yes, they don't know any better and that's why we address them as 2 yr olds when having tantrums...a better description is "teething".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was online reading about affairs and rebound relationships,etc.
As I read through these posts, I was really amazed at justifcation after justification these people have for having affairs. WOW.
You know I really think that the secrecy of the affair seems to make it all that more enticing and exciting to these people. Not one of them had left the spouse for the other, some never had any intetion of leaving the spouse for the other, and they all seemed to have a common justfication. They married too young.
There was one post where a couple left their spouses for the other and within a pretty short time frame they split because the other had and affair on the original affair partner.
It all seems to start with a spouse feeling lonely and neglected. Very good advice was in these posts and said that it's a good idea to GET HELP AND COUNSELING BEFORE you leave and jump in the sack with someone.
I don't know just very interesting what I read and I was pretty taken aback at the justifications these posters made for their choices. Im not judging....but rather disappointed more people don't stop and look at themselves more before going to such extremes.
I just wanted to recommend a book for everyone. I'ts The Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav.
I bought this book ages ago not long after his first book seat of the soul. Think I'll read that one again.
It's a book about Emotional Awareness, and it's so spot on. It's helping me because he explains the root cause of some very big emotions we all have and actions we all do to try and pursue pleasurable feelings, but never really get it.
He talks about The disease to please, sex addiction, entitlement, perfectionism, alcohol and drugs, to name a few. Things people end up doing when "running" from certain emotions.
I was really blown away when I found how much I really do try to please others in order to feel worthy....and believe it or not XH did this two, but we operate on two sides of the coin. I covertly please for external power, he RAGES in order to pursue external power, then PLEASES when frightened.
Worth a read, quite interesting.
Im still struggling with waves of jealousy and confusion, especially when the girls come home with a full report of all thats gone on with XH on their days with him. Im really trying to work through these emotions, not try and bury them. Burying them just makes it so much worse.
It sounds as if XH consistently tries to engage OW into his family activities he plans with the girls. She consistently says "No". This week she decided to stay home and do laundry instead of going down to the creek and enjoying the day and having a picnic. I was jealous he offered that to her, but when I offered such thing he refused and rejected me. If I remember right he rejected all those interactions because he didn't want to be around me. Very confusing, and hard pill to swallow.
Kimmerz, From your posting, it sounds like the ow is staying out of the picture a bit to allow him the time to spend w/his daughters. The activities that he is offering up to ow are the exact opposite of what he would do w/you. You have to remember that he's not the same person you once knew. They tend to do things w/the op that they didn't do w/us. Yes, it can create jealousy and resentment in us, but we have to try to put a lid on those emotions as they will fester and create tension and anger that we do not need to be walking around with. The hardest part of the journey is to remember, he may look and sound like your xh, but he's not the same person, personality-wise. He is a "pod person" right now.
M Go Blue use to recommend many of Gary Zukav's books to the posters. He was very good at capturing some of the phrases and bringing here to the board for others to read. You may want to do a search on him and read some of his postings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
M Go Blue use to recommend many of Gary Zukav's books to the posters. He was very good at capturing some of the phrases and bringing here to the board for others to read. You may want to do a search on him and read some of his postings.
Can you recommend a link or enlighten me again on why they're the opposite of what they were and why they are "pod people" now?
Honestly all it feels and looks like is that I truly was the reason he made the choice to avoid me and the kids like the plague while he was at home.
At first I did think she was hanging back in order to allow XH to engage with the girls. However 7 months later, she will have only gone with XH and the girls 2 times. Christmas Day to his mothers and last week shopping. Next week they're all going to the county fair and XH is allowing a friend to accompany D12. It sounds like he asks her to go everywhere and she always says no.
I will check out M go Blue's posts. I was checking them out yesterday.
Im reading Gary Zukav in order for me to get in touch with these emotions and to manage them rather than try and put a lid on them, ignore them, and just keep distracting myself in hopes that eventually I will just not care anymore. Believe me I've been trying for over a year now. I've come a long way but some buttons just can't help but get pushed.
Just thinking about the OW and not being with the kids. It COULD be because she is trying to set boundaries with your H. ie. She won't be with him unless she is 100% his focus... and may have nothing to do with respecting his time with the kids.
I'm just throwing that possibility out there. We do find that often the OP is selfish and needy and is an affair down. Maybe she is being respectful... then again... maybe not...
