from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

Obviously the hospital has been slow tonight. Just wanted to post some of my thoughts on my sitch, 7 months in...

Now I understand why the detaching is so important. Detaching can take a loooong time. It seems to me that the longer that time period, the longer it takes for the WAS to really start their journey. For me, it means giving myself the space to mourn the loss of the M, of that special relationship that you cherished. That's why everyone says the old M is dead. I thought everyone was being mean, but now I get it. It has to be dead to you. You cannot have any hope that anything you do will bring about a change. It's hard to come to grips with that. It almost felt like an identity crisis-waking up to a life that you don't understand.

It doesn’t mean hating your S either or acting in ways that would cause them to justify why life is so much better without you. You really have to let them take that road, and you have to love them enough to get out of their way. There is also a great amount of respect for someone that is able to do this while respecting themselves and acting with dignity.

I can also see the beauty in this gift of time, as they say. No one is perfect, and we have all adapted certain habits that we would rather not have. This time is a precious gift-the time to reflect on ourselves and make any adaptations. There aren’t any excuses anymore, no one holding us back. It's time to get back in touch with US, fall in love with ourselves again. I'm pretty sure that just like me everyone else has put the family first. Nothing wrong with that, but now is that precious time to dust ourselves off and get some much needed me time. And when everything falls back together (it will for everyone, even if the picture is different than before), we will all be so much wiser, ready and complete.

ps I think everyone here is so amazing, you have been so inspiratonial. I hope our S realize how beautiful everyone here really is.