Sure, what you say makes a lot of sense. I would certainly be happy if my wife would want to do anything, even in small stages. I would never expect her to jump immediately to the energy level I'd like to see.
But if you ask what I'd settle for, or what I'd wish for in the long-term, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm wishing for daily activity as an average. You say it would make sense if I stop wishing for what I'd like. If she were willing to engage only once a week, how do I stop wishing for it daily? What do I do, just command myself to stop wishing? That's easier said than done for an HD person. Heck, if that were even possible, I'd just wish myself down to zero and I'd be happy with my current situation. Not possible.
It seems you're suggesting that my problem is the extremeness of my desire, and that if only I'd be happy with something like once a week, and I was OK with no "O" on her part, then she'd go for it. If that's what you think you're misunderstanding my situation and confusing it with what I regard as "garden variety sexlessness", where sex would be back to normal if only the husband became more "reasonable" in his expectations. The problem is getting from absolute zero, even with the smallest steps.
No, I never required her to have an "O". Rarely even brought up the topic, and she never allowed to me to touch her in a way that would allow to try to have one. Contact and intimacy in terms of hugging and friendliness is there, but it's a very clear boundary, exactly as if she were my sister.
As for resume what she was willing to do, the only thing in over 10 years is giving me an HJ. And maybe just once a week. With her clothes fully on -- she's not into it being a more nude or sexual thing on her part. Do you really think it's reasonable to continue with that as the only form of sex for years? No sexual participation in any physical sense on her part, except for stimulating me? Even if it's with an attitude of love on her part? It's not like she has any health problems that would make anything else difficult for her. It's more like, OK, you can get off, but I don't need to. So I guess I should be happy with that? I don't get to touch her in a sexual way? For an HD person who would like a lot more, this is difficult to sustain. So we had this and we discontinued because it was so limited and frustrating for both of us -- for her because she thought even once a week was a chore. And me because I thought it was ridiculously minimal.
What you discuss as making love when they're not necessarily in the mood suggests a far, far greater level of physical sexual intimacy and variety of touching.
So, sure, what I'm willing to settle for might be a problem, but it's not the first one. Getting any movement at all seems to be impossible too.
Like I've said before, she doesn't even see the point of sex, which isn't a surprising perspective for someone who has felt no desire for years. Like if I could be happy with just an HJ, why can't I just take care of it myself? Yes, that what's she's told me. And she bought my a Playboy magazine a few times as a well-meant gift. I suppose so I could take care of myself alone in the bathroom. She'd be fine if I could be happy with that.
My larger problem is that after years with such a minimal or nonexistent sexual life, I'm now MORE curious than most people what it would be like to have a really vibrant sexual partner. I can't just make that wish go away.
And you shouldn't kill that part of you. Any reasonable loving person would not have their partner wait 1 year never the less one month, and you are talking a multitude of years.
