A few years ago... like '46 or something, Maslow put to paper a theory about how people are motivated towards having specific needs met. Just as babies have certain needs, toddlers do, pre-teens, and so on...
A lot of the more up to date personal development programs use at least some variation of this. It really is amazing stuff, considering how unique we believe people are, how this kind of stuff is just intrinsic to humans.
Maslow's theory is ultimately hierarchical, in that we have our basic needs which MUST be met at some level, before we move up to higher levels of needs. In the event that we are not getting our needs at one level, we revert back to at least having those needs met on a lower level.
One particular public speaker, whom basically people either love or hate, refined the theory to encompass six basic human needs and places them in a more cyclical form. IOW, as we have one need met, we move to the next, layering these upon each other. Yet, it appears that generally speaking, each one of us tends to be after one or two specific need in this group as our core needs. Really quite fascinating when one sees this being put to test.
It is in a way, similar to the whole Love Languages theory at the core level. For example, I might crave variety in my life, yet my core desire is for love and connection. Yet right now, I might be looking for stability. (which in a way, I had been a year ago and having met that need, have moved into variety within the last 3 months).
Paring the partners and knowing what each persons core needs are vs. what they are craving right now and comparing that to their partner's core and craving, it can really put a spotlight on where problems might be and how to match with the other person.
Again, giving to the others core and current needs, the receiving partner opens up to meeting the core and current needs for the other.
For example, my W's core need is likely stability. Right now, or at least as a WAS, her craving appears to have been variety.
Well, I was trying to meet my W's need of stability, but she didn't want that any longer. And my need of love and connection had not been met for many years.
So that's just an aspect of some of the many tools out there, along with DB (which really is a great tool on its own) that can help people understand and work in very SBT ways.
