My Story

[25yearsmlc]

The trust is gone on bothe sides. I still want to trust her but realize I probably can't. I am digging in deep and trying to see who I am. I have this whole time. It comes and goes. What I did was wrong and I am trying to learn from my mistakes.

good insights. And our growth is not linear so it will come and go, and go in spurts. But try hard to hold onto the progress you do make so you don't lose the progress or backslide too far.


I admit that I haven't completely made up for what I did but I am still learning and trying.

I don't want to kick you when you're down. But other than an apology, or three, what have you DONE that would make up for it? Not words...

IN her eyes, she had years of being controlled and feeling scared by your temper & critical nature, only to then have you go "public" with the pictures of such an intimately shared experience, (which is a deeper trust violation that perhaps you realize even now)

well...how did you think you were making up for that?

I'm sincerely asking Lost. Is it that you were being kinder? Gentler? When you feel you began to show her changes? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago

or had she not noticed yet?


Right now I am at a point where I need to focus on our D and still try to work on myself. I also need to protect myself. Now it is just a situation where we have to do what is best for our D.

True. And big arguments don't help anyone, least of all you.




And not having me around isn't the answer. I know I cannot control anything but my actions. Maybe one day things will be different, but right now things are the way they are.

So what are you DOING to become the man you want to become? Do you like your IC?

I will suggest one thing for sure. Avoid the negative people in your life. If there are any people out there suggesting you take action to harm her legally (or otherwise for that matter) or exact revenge

or avoid taking responsibliity for yourself, avoid them. (Not saying don't protect yourself legally, but am saying don't draw first blood or be unfair).

If there are some who think you have done unforgivable acts and don't deserve another chance, avoid them too.

Change IS possible. It happens every day or none of us would be here.

You can become a better man. When your wife learns to trust that the changes you are making are real, and not merely tactics to win her back

and not with you constantly checking to see if they're working "yet" b/c you are impatient or b/c you want to stop them the minute she returns

she'll fear that the marriage will revert to the old way and she does not want that.

And you know why...so, we say "do the math".

Consistent change + sufficient time= change she can believe in.

No woman shirks off the role her h plays in her child's life. If she sees/hears of the loving interactions you and D have, (without you pointing them out)

she'll be moved.

If she believes you really can be the man she fell in love with, that you are safe,

she'll second guess her choice to leave.

If she sees that you can love and accept her even though you are hurt, she can learn from you, what forgiveness looks like....

LET HER DO THAT...