so i had a great weekend so far. friday i took my son to rockfest. he was kind of nervous at first. his first festival and all. as the night went on he loosened up. when hollywood undead came on he was ready! jumpin up and down, screaming, throwin his rockfist up! it was so cool. i was a proud dad!
yesterday i had some people over to bbq. i havent grilled since the bomb. it is something i really enjoy and am good at. i was a little rusty but the steaks came out good! it was nice grillin with people who were there because they are my friends. that is a good feeling.
court on friday for the protection order. i am not worried. whatever happens, happens. i believe the judge will see the good in me. that is my hope. i can walk around with my head up and be happy. kids love me and more importantly i love myself
What a change a few days/weeks makes! So happy you had a great day at the festival with your son. You're making wonderful memories with him.
Meant to say ages ago, you mentioned something about being a small guy and it made me laugh in your posts you come across as a big burly guy! You have a big heart and a big spirit and a big personality! It's really great that you're socializing and sharing that with friends. It renews your sense of self to see other people I think.
The no expectations thing..it's funny until it clicks you don't see how often you have expectations. It's hard not to but it's so freeing to say whatever happens happens and I'll be okay. You will be okay and your kids will have a better dad because of it.
brit- lmao..thanks i guess. im 5'6" 150 lbs...lol i am small. i have always tried to live big. this sitch and my M broke me down. made me not confident. unsure of myself. weak.
it did click with me. i am glad it did. it came with acceptance. i have my confidence back. my rockstar shades on and this time it is real. lol. people see the change and it doesnt matter. i did it for me and i am happy. some days are still tough. i have developed coping skills and strength that i didnt know i had. i will be okay.
i want you to know how much you helped me. just not on my thread, on all of them. you had great ideas that hit home. i was slow at learning them sometimes. when i did, i got them 100%. i enjoy seeing your progress. i really do. you are Xena! lol you should be proud of yourself.
it is amazing how free i feel and it has nothing to do with my upcoming D. maybe if i got it sooner i would have been able to R. i dont think it was meant to be. i realize more and more everyday how unhappy i actually was for years. either way i am glad to have me back!
have no fear. everyday i gain more sight of me. and it feels so good. i am finally feeling the serenity i have been looking for. its still so new so i am being very careful with it. feeling it out, so to speak. everyday isnt great. they arent as bad as they were, and that makes me happy.
at divorce care group tonight we talked about new relationships. if you are ready etc. am i ready? according to them i guess so. according to me? if i want. right now i am having fun loving me. if something happens great. i sure as he11 aint looking. some people were talking about how being in a relationship completes them. i disagreed. they asked me why? i said i dont need a woman to complete me. i am happy with me. if i find a woman to be with i want her to complement me and me her. no person should need another person to feel complete. that means you are not whole. if you are not whole how can you ever have a healthy relationship. i wasnt whole in this M. it didnt go well. i gave myself away, and that led to both of us being unhappy. to be happy each person has to first love themselves. only then can you truly love another.
some people were talking about how being in a relationship completes them. i disagreed. they asked me why? i said i dont need a woman to complete me. i am happy with me. if i find a woman to be with i want her to complement me and me her. no person should need another person to feel complete. that means you are not whole. if you are not whole how can you ever have a healthy relationship.
This is beautiful!
I think you should be running the DC group.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
lmao..running it? yeah right..blind leading the blind and all that. the lady does ask me what i think and lets me ramble which can be fun. there is alot of negativity there, so i try to pick up on the positives and talk about that.
it is good to feel how i want and say what i think again. the fear is gone. it feels good to be myself again. i dont know what is going to happen with the D since i cant afford a L. i am okay with that. i am not afraid. everything happens for a reason. i put my faith in god. he hasnt let me down. i havent got the outcomes i desired probably because the outcome he desired for me is different. my dad is a religious man. similar to a priest. he gave me a blessing after my W moved out. part of it was "the wildest horses sometimes become the noblest steeds." maybe that is gods plan for me. to finally learn from my mistakes and become the person i know i can be.
strength comes from within. there is such power in knowing myself and knowing that i will be ok. i will be more than ok. i will be ME!
Grace-
thank you. you are so kind. the hugs always brighten my day. physical touch and words of affirmation. i am bilingual. lol.. so the hugs really mean alot. i dont know if i am technically GAL. i am happy doing what i am doing and i am not second guessing it. i have went out with people, had bbq's, did my meetings. all without expecting anything. i have been pleasantly surprised.
