Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone. Lots of responses to my last post. Guess I hit a nerve. Lets see if I can respond...

Thank you for being so honest !

Just trying to put my feelings down. Sometimes this board is all I have. Even though, I was a radio announcer for over two decades, I have a very tough time with words and am not the best writer. I'm used to saying the most I can with the fewest words possible.

I think you are too hard on yourself. You are expecting to turn your life around in a matter of months. Tad, it doesn't happen over night. You are going through the pain now and growing from it.

Thanks Snodderly. This is true, but she seems to have turned her life around overnight and is moving on with no pain. She's getting married in a year and buying a house like our life together didn't even exist.

My S19 told me the other day that he is still waiting for his mom to come home from work. He said it was like she went to work, but a different person came back. Yeah, it was that quick.

It is still way better to be a LBS any day of the week. There is no way I would want to be in her shoes, ever!

Well mine is putting on one hell of an act then.

I still think you are very wise to come here and let us know how you are doing.

Haha. I sometimes think I come here too much.

I have read it takes one month for every year you were married to finally start to feel whole again and that starts from the time the D is final. You're expecting way too much of yourself as far as how fast your healing goes.

Ug. I can't imagine going through this another 17-18 months. I guess I am expecting too much, but I thought it would be easier than this by now. It also doesn't help that she is getting married in a year. It may have been better if she would have gone ahead and done it already. (Not that I want her to.) And...I AM better, just not where I would like to be.

I for me at least, when I've felt the most rejected and horrible about myself was then I really started to believe and drink the Kool -Aide that XH fed to me about what a horrible person he felt I was. I did this because he had such a way of twisting the truth and words that it made me really start to think it was me. Does this sound familiar Tad?

Very familiar. I have started to believe it myself too. How could this person that I trusted with everything think I was so awful? She has said some really mean and nasty things to me and told some very disturbing lies about me to our kids, her family, my family and her friends.

Tad, you hit my feelings and reactions right on the head. I could not put it until words, but you did! Thanks!

You're welcome....

It's been a slow process and I still sometimes feel that way. But only briefly now. Very briefly. So much so that when I learned ex was getting married to OM, I barely cared. In fact, I was hopeful that things would improve for me because she would be more focused on him.

Yeah, I told myself that the worst was over and that she really couldn't do much more to me now. I still hurt though. Sometimes very deeply.

Looking back, I see now that I couldn't have planned how things worked out any better for me. I hate it for my kids, but for me things worked out better than I could have worked them out.

Wow AJ, I really wish I could get there and see that about myself. I see me WANTING to get through this, but I don't see me GETTING through this. Make sense?

They are her opinion and her hatred and anger. Her issues.

How can somebody be so hateful and that angry? It baffles me. What the hell are they angry about?

Tad