Paint it Black (OH Heck No, Paint it PINK!)

[WenikiTiki]

I'm just stepping through the paces, here. Thinking about all that is happening. Trying to wrap my head around the parts I did wrong. Trying to not worry about what I perceive as what STBXH did wrong. Because it just doesn't matter.

STBXH signed the papers yesterday. Then sat and watched TV with the family, both boys, S22's new girlfriend, DIL, grandkids. I stayed in my room this morning, came out to see he had thoughtfully written Bananas and Orange Juice on my grocery list. I just laughed to myself.

I need to make decisions. And that is the hard part. I've been thinking too hard.

And I somehow or another got pleurisy again. Haven't had it in years. So I am hanging out catching up on DVR stuff because it hurts to move and breath.

My anniversary is this week, along with my granddaughter's birthday. Same day, so bittersweet. It would have been 32 years. I guess it is 32 years, just not 32 happy years. The lawyer says it will be 4-8 weeks from when he files it. So I will be a single woman soon. For synchronicity the law office will probably file it on that same day.

I told this story before, but the very day STBXH and I were married my paternal grandmother passed away. And my ring was her ring she had given to my dad and asked that I be married with. The hallmark inside the ring is "HALLMARK". Makes me smile.

Okay, enough poor, poor, me. It will all work out. I have been very lucky so far in this life. I have been studying Buddhism. I go to a meditation class at the Tibetan Buddhist Temple. I am realizing that I just need to be what I always have been. I am a generous, happy person. I smile at everyone. Usually they smile back.