I get that, and I do agree....but I asked if there wasn't some other option that would allow her to get her space
YOUR way ????
Time and space means that SHE wants to find her way, not that she wants you to find it for her.
Your fix for her issues will not work.
Originally Posted By: BD
I was panic'd, and tried to explain my feelings (without getting mad), but she decided to get mad instead and say she's done (again). She felt like I was stalking her and trying to control her....I can see her point, but she refuses to see mine.
This is more of the same thing from you to her.
I would feel the same way as she does. And truth be told, you would feel the same way if the roles were reversed.
IF you really see her point, as you say....
Then you should be validating her points, instead of trying to insert your own agenda onto her.
She doesn't see your point right now, because she doesn't want to see your point right now.
And let me ask you this....
What have you shown her differently about yourself since the bomb ?
That is eye opening. Seriously, thank you. I needed that. You just said what she's been saying to me, but in a way that I get it. I have just seen that I failed her....I failed to trust her, and in return, she failed to trust me. I have to break this circle. I have to choose to trust. Some of that may come from detaching, but some is simply a choice.
Again, after serious discussions, and all, I see baby steps tonight. She calls about S12's swim meet, saying she's otw....he decides he wants to skip due to heat, so I text her that. She calls and says, "do you mind if I go do this work related stuff." I say, no, do what you need to...I've got it under control here. She says great, be home at 7. 645 rolls around and she text me "going to have a beer with joe and his wife, be home 745"...I say "k, thx." Wow, that may be the first time she's actually told me that she wasn't going to be home when she originally said, and actually told me she was going to be drinking. I feel safe...I know what's going on, I feel that she actually trusted me. That may not seem like a big deal, but in our relationship, it is. Maybe it's because she's saying she's done, but she's been saying that every month for a year now so I think that's real progress. She took a step and trusted me....I'm taking a step and trusting her. I will be upbeat and happy when she gets home, with no expectations. Let's see what happens.
