T told me that he doesn't see H and I ever getting back together unless H really sees what he's losing. Until he gets the reality of what D is really like and how life will really be with OW. Which basically means... start looking at filing for D and moving on. You don't necessarily have to get married any time soon and over time you may very well have a chance to make it work once he's gone through that process. Which, of course, would take about 2-3 years and is still not guaranteed to happen.
I agree with the first part about your H needs to see what losing you will really be like. I disagree though that is necessarily has to translate into divorce. And who says the "process" has to take 2-3 years? Once you set him free then reality has a knack of stepping in rather quickly!
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Btw, in response to H's concern about us not having the same connection as him and OW... he's right. It will never be the same but it could be sooooo much better than anything he has with her because he will have the sense of fulfillment of family. And the fulfillment of overcoming a huge obstacle together. Growing together and seeing the good in each other that we so obviously lost sight of.
The connection with the OW of which he speaks is purely driven by the excitement of the illicit affair. Once he is free and reality sets in and the shine wears off, he will then need to make a decision.
Whenever religion is involved, there are always going to be severe pangs of guilt and remorse and the pull of the OW will always be strong...until it isn't any longer. IYKWIM.
Hang in there J. Do what is best for you and the kids. Keep the focus on you. Turn your back on your H for now and live your life. There is an entire would of possibilities out there for you to discover. Go make it happen!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
