Tips for the Spouse with the Higher Sex Drive

[25yearsmlc]

what if your wife craved intimacy, emotionally speaking, OR just wanted to please you and feel close and not selfishly withhold from you,

but for whatever reason, she did not consistently achieve satisfaction or did not feel the need to (or maybe could not for some medical reason)

BUT was still lovingly willing to oblige on a "several times a week" basis?

To me, that's a more realistic goal than her entire libido suddenly and for no reason related to you, skyrocketing and matching yours...

even if it's not "realistic" it's less improbable than your scenario.

I'm trying to come up with a goal for you that is at least theoretically obtainable. That's her showing her love for you by enjoying the physical closeness even if it's not a big sexual turn on for her. There are other reasons for sex.



IF I understood your past comments,
You did say she never achieved an "O" before, but you were fine enough with that b/c there was some frequency.

So you never required her to have an O, for you to feel relatively fine...correct?

It's only that the actual contact and intimacy is totally gone now, that makes it so untenable. Is that accurate? (There's no judgement attached to these questions SSM so try to be honest and not censor your answers)

IF so, and I stress those two words: "IF SO",

then wouldn't it make more sense for you to stop wishing for the extremely unlikely to happen

ie your wife becoming someone she never was before, and sounds far from ever becoming


and start asking her to at least resume what she was once willing to do, but with an attitude of love, (not begrudgingly seeing it as a chore)??

While
part of me thinks you are saying "No, I don't want her to just have sex with me b/c she loves me and wants to feel close,

but b/c she WANTS SEX for sex's sake and wants ME to satisfy her desire" ?

I'm not sure that's attainable.

And I'm also telling you that many women, and probably some men, make love even when they are not "in the mood for sex itself" and that does not have to make you recoil. It's not all pity sex.

(Though I understand in your sitch you have felt that at times and I get that it would feel pretty darn lousy)

When I was grieving my father's death, I was too sad to really get into ML for desire's sake, but I craved the intimacy and closeness of ML, as it comforted me to have my h intimate.

I surely DID NOT see sex as a chore, although I didn't expect it to be sexually satisfying either. That was fine with me at that time.

I saw it as a way of feeling comforted and that is not a bad thing. When h's mother died, I saw it as a way of comforting him...

Do you know what I mean, at all? Does any of this resonate with you?

For you and how you see your w, Does sex always have to come from and only from, the desire for an "O" -and from you?


and no matter your answers, I suppose, it'll go back to what you're willing to settle for.