Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

Well, just got done meeting with the T. Bad idea. He totally made me feel worse. And maybe it's just because he's making me face reality.

He told me what H said. It basically comes down to H can see that we COULD be happy together but he doesn't ever know if our connection will be as good as the connection he has with OW. Plus, he sees his choice to walk away from our religion as a huge issue. He said maybe one day he would like to come back to it but for now he is done. Well, obviously, how could you want to come back when you're sinning immensely??

And then at the same time I feel like our religion is just what he needs to help him get through this to see things more clearly. Family is the heart of our religion along with God and having that constant confirmation in his life letting him know that he's made the right decision could be very powerful and aid him in being sure about keeping our family together.

T told me that he doesn't see H and I ever getting back together unless H really sees what he's losing. Until he gets the reality of what D is really like and how life will really be with OW. Which basically means... start looking at filing for D and moving on. You don't necessarily have to get married any time soon and over time you may very well have a chance to make it work once he's gone through that process. Which, of course, would take about 2-3 years and is still not guaranteed to happen.

I told him that I did not want him sharing anything that I've said in our session today with H. I don't feel like he deserves to know anything about me anymore. He's so secretive about what he's doing... it makes me sick. The T said that H only went a couple days without seeing OW until he missed her and had to call her and be with her. When I thought he went 2 weeks. So why couldn't he have just told me that? What does he think he's accomplishing by lying to me consistently?

I am jumping off the roller coaster and do not plan to meet with this T anymore... at least, not any time soon. It makes me focus too much on what H's feeling and doing and I just can't go there right now.

Btw, in response to H's concern about us not having the same connection as him and OW... he's right. It will never be the same but it could be sooooo much better than anything he has with her because he will have the sense of fulfillment of family. And the fulfillment of overcoming a huge obstacle together. Growing together and seeing the good in each other that we so obviously lost sight of. If that doesn't bring people closer together... I don't know what does.