New to this and hating it.

[Jannie]

I didn't know how to find my thread before now. Still trying to figure out the board. My husband did not complain about me or our marriage. He made suggestions about getting healthy by exercising and losing weight. We were both overweight and out of shape. I tried to get him to do it with me so we could motivate each other but got no response. Until he dropped the bomb, his only complaints were about his job causing a lot of stress. In the few weeks prior to dropping the bomb, he talked about how he would like to start over someplace new and that he had never been settled as long as we have been these last 14 years.

I was blindsided by his revelation of no longer being in love and wanting out of our marriage. I spent the first few weeks crying a lot and barely able to function. I did not let him see this but he knew because our daughter told him. Even when he moved out, I was able to remain calm towards him. It was when he started spending a lot of time with his young "friend" and later moved her in with him as his "roommate" that I became verbally angry at him.

There were several texting conversations that included verbal put downs by both of us. My self esteem was crushed. This went back and forth several times.

Saturday he called and talked to me for two hours discussing how we need to stop the fighting. I agreed. I am still angry that he can make all the time in the world to help his "friend" but has yet to make plans to see our son. He sees our daughter at her job.

He also talked about me moving on and dating people and he would not hold it against me. He was very curious about some time I had spent out with my girlfriends and if I had met anyone. He also asked about three men in particular. He even checks on my facebook page and mentioned some things posted about a fun weekend I had for my birthday with friends. I was pleased he inquired about my life but he also kept referring to the divorce he plans to file as well as lawyers. We discussed bills and how he is worried I'm not paying the ones still in his name which would cause issues for him. He is giving me money right now but plans to talk to a lawyer about what is required because he thinks he is giving me too much and it is difficult for him to live on what is left.

Everything in our two hour conversation was turned back on himself. It was almost comical. The thing that bothers me most about the situation is that he admits he is a lousy father but that is just who he is. He has always been that way and sees no changes in the future. It's sad that I believe he will abandon his son and maybe even his daughter even though she is his favorite.