When I got off the train and was heading over to him, I was unsure of how he'd be and then I remembered that Cheryl told me I needed to use what I'd learned in How to Improve your Marriage without talking about it. And I took a deep breath and let happy thoughts of him wash over me. Just reminded myself of how much I enjoy his company and today would be no different.
I see him making it with meat as a big stance in him saying I'm not going to lose myself (which in my opinion he has been for a little while now) he even said he'd gone out and bought TOFU to try making it with that and then he said in his words "sorry sweetheart it don't work that way" I can almost see him chopping up tofu and thinking WTF....that's sacrilege! I had to hold myself back from texting "can we get back together just for the food?"
Quote:
if you are open to enjoying him, you are also open to missing him.
You're right about that but I will say NC isn't any harder or easier. I think that you take on what you can handle. And in the beginning one small impersonal text from him would push me over the edge..and then I became okay with that. And at first all I could do was hold myself together so I wouldn't cry when he visited or freak out when he mentioned her. And then I got okay with being around him. And so inch by inch I became more comfortable and more myself around him.
I still don't know if we will ever R. I am trying not to have expectations and I think that's where I'm falling down right now. When he came over and made that crack about catching me naked or half dressed, yes I was a bit shakey. But I was still like it's fine, it is what it is. I'm okay with whatever. Whereas this weekend I didn't feel like I was okay with whatever. That might just be part of my growth, or because without realising it I was letting expectation and hope creep in. I read something that hope isn't good, because hope means that you aren't okay with the right now...you're hoping for something different. I used to think that life was empty without hope, that you were a sad person if you weren't striving for something better in the future. And now I am only striving for a peace and happiness with my "right now"
I thought it was really sweet that I brought him lunch and he brought me dinner and we didn't even plan it...
