rough: I know the feeling of the whirlwind, but I must say that reading your posts gives me inspiration. I think your doing an incredible job of changing yourself and your situation. I am a couple of months behind you, but it certainly sounds like we're in the same place.
I too had questions about the minimal communication. I am doign NC as much as I can, only discussing the kids when we talk etc...but on some level it seems like thats what she wants b/c she certainly isnt anywhere near beginning a conversation with me. I guess thats why this takes so much patience.
I also liked your thoughts on holding your head up later in life to your children if this doesn't work. When my issues first started and I felt like I was about ready to throw in the towel, the father of one of my best friends called me one day and told me this.
"No matter what you or your wife thinks of this now, it will affect your kids, and will affect them long term and at some point your son is going to be grown and will someday ask you why you and his mother divorced." At this point, he nearly had tears in his eyes as he talked to me and finished with "you better be able to look him in the eyes man to man and tell him, son I did everything I possibly could to keep our marriage together and it simply didnt work."
By the time he finished that line we were both in tears and at that point I understood more than ever the gravity of changing me, improving me and fixing my marriage. Im still not there yet, but remembering that conversation drives me each day to continue down the path when theirs no light at the end and your not sure whats waiting on you.
I hope your situation and mine work out and our families are restored together and we can be the men we should be for our wives and our children, but if not, as men, we have to be able to look our children in the eye one day and make that statement and them know that its true.
