But I'll write more about that later as i think there's a lot of stuff shifting in me (and it's not the burrito I had for dinner last night).
I've had lots of emotion this week, some tears, some sadness and it scared me for a bit but I think it was grace who advised to just let it happen.
I have been and there's some stuff coming up that's been with me forever. I think I'm finally in a place where I can see this clearly and get moving to where I'm meant to be.
It's a bit scary.
I'm tired because my sleep has been interrupted by this so I'm not ready to get into it here now but I will...I will.
I got a suitcase, I take it everywhere I go People I got a suitcase, I take it everywhere I go It's a big old bag of trouble, I don't need no more~keb mo
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It's a while since I've posted to my thread. There's been a lot going on with me as stuff was shifting and sometimes you just have to sit back and let that happen.
I used to try to control those shifts and force myself in certain "acceptable" directions. Acceptable to the outside world, not always what was best for me.
I made a career decision that was scary and freeing at the same time. I quit a job (I had 2 jobs). Taking it was based on money, acceptable and seen as a smart move by the outside world but not a good fit for me. This has been a pattern with me forever; I somehow felt that if I wasn't miserable in some way, I wasn't working hard enough.
The job I kept fulfills me in so many ways and gives me time to pursue other things, GAL things. The pay is not as good but it gives me so much more and I work with a wonderful group of women who have been incredibly supportive of me throughout this journey.
I was also concerned about how people would see me as I changed direction. Yes, I've always had the need to be the smartest, fastest, jumping highest kid. It's time to let that go.
Passed time, really.
And now that I've cleared out some of that junk, who knows what new things await me. I was keeping myself burdened by that baggage filled with judgement.
I've done a lot of reading here during this time and I will affirm that this is a tremendous group of people who post here regularly. To those who don't read other threads (and you're probably not reading this one but I'll say it anyway) you are missing out on so much.
We've all heard the Joseph Campbell quote: "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned to have the life that is waiting for us." I would always follow that up in mind with "Yeah, but..." We know where that leads.
Another Campbell quote that speaks to me because my path was always laid out, step-by-excruciating-step and I have the checklists to prove it:
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
and the book suggestion on my thread. (I just ordered it on Amazon.)
Pema had a birthday this weekend and there is a video on her site with instructions for a day of retreat. I listened to it while bicycling this weekend.
Funny... I turned down two opportunities to work more over the past month. In the past I would have grabbed at least one. But I have realized that I was so focused on securing our future and "advancing" that I was missing out on enjoying the now.
I am glad you are in a work place you enjoy and that you have carved out time for you, Bug.
Letting go of the baggage that weighs us down, what a wonderful picture in my head and heart today. Thank you, Bug
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
Wow...just wow....
I have said before I identify a lot with you. The controlling over achieving thriving in chaos so you're always looking outward not inward. Thank you for posting everytime you have an insight I learn so much from it. Thank you for sharing!
