Well Im glad Im not the only one going through this! Yesterday I had a big set back and found myself crying on and off all day.
Tad our x's are mean sprited and have no mercy what so ever. Any interaction with them is like going into the boxing ring in one way or another. I asbolutely hate that it's come to that for so many of us, but it has. Everytime I have a "round" with XH, it really takes it out of me. I hate fighting, I don't like arguing, and I don't understand why people dont want to problem solve. But I glove up and go in as needed. It leaves us depleted and empty Tad. This is the result of horrible emotional abuse.
Stop being so hard on yourself and really look at what your XW has done to you and how it's changed you in the process! Though what these people do to us is in NO WAY acceptable, the cold hard truth is, we actually play a role in it too. This isn't anything we should be ashamed of, but we really can learn from. An extreme lack of self esteem and poor boundaries is the part we play but really become blind to see that it's happening. We do teach people how to treat us Tad....and that's one big lesson I've learned during my ordeal with XH.
I for me at least, when I've felt the most rejected and horrible about myself was then I really started to believe and drink the Kool -Aide that XH fed to me about what a horrible person he felt I was. I did this because he had such a way of twisting the truth and words that it made me really start to think it was me. Does this sound familiar Tad?
What these MLCers do to us is NOT love Tad. Anyone with their head on straight, that has compassion and consideration for anyone else in this world would never treat another as we've been treated, divorce or not.
You're a good man Tad. Just still recovering from some serious wounds....that still get salt sprinkled on them from time to time.
