Barn's burnt down--

[labug]

It's a while since I've posted to my thread. There's been a lot going on with me as stuff was shifting and sometimes you just have to sit back and let that happen.

I used to try to control those shifts and force myself in certain "acceptable" directions. Acceptable to the outside world, not always what was best for me.

I made a career decision that was scary and freeing at the same time. I quit a job (I had 2 jobs). Taking it was based on money, acceptable and seen as a smart move by the outside world but not a good fit for me. This has been a pattern with me forever; I somehow felt that if I wasn't miserable in some way, I wasn't working hard enough.

The job I kept fulfills me in so many ways and gives me time to pursue other things, GAL things. The pay is not as good but it gives me so much more and I work with a wonderful group of women who have been incredibly supportive of me throughout this journey.

I was also concerned about how people would see me as I changed direction. Yes, I've always had the need to be the smartest, fastest, jumping highest kid. It's time to let that go.

Passed time, really.

And now that I've cleared out some of that junk, who knows what new things await me. I was keeping myself burdened by that baggage filled with judgement.

I've done a lot of reading here during this time and I will affirm that this is a tremendous group of people who post here regularly. To those who don't read other threads (and you're probably not reading this one but I'll say it anyway)
you are missing out on so much.

We've all heard the Joseph Campbell quote: "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned to have the life that is waiting for us." I would always follow that up in mind with "Yeah, but..." We know where that leads.

Another Campbell quote that speaks to me because my path was always laid out, step-by-excruciating-step and I have the checklists to prove it:

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”