See that's comedy calling it a ditch instead of a sitch that's needed...you have to laugh and find humour in it.
VP you are cracking me up or should I say Wonder Woman.....
So after all that..H texted me later about our itunes account and how some things are under my name and some under his. Anyway we texted about that and he told me that he couldn't do it now because he was [waiting to pick up GF] well he told me he was in such and such parking lot which means that's what he was doing. I found it funny that he hung out with me, and while waiting to pick her up was still thinking of and texting me.
I am feeling great and happy.
My nephew put a picture on his FB page that said "When I had my heart broken someone told me to fall in love with my best friend, so I fell in love with myself, and it's been the best f*cking relationship in my life" I loved that. I loved that a 21 year old boy has learned this lesson that I'm only now learning. As GRACE would say "how the [would be censored] did he get so smart?"
I don't have anything new to report. I was thinking of texting H to thank him for sorta intervening between his mom and me today (long boring story but she was bothering me about something and told me that she would ask him, I sorta tried to give him an out and it worked) It was, I should mention, the first time she has mentioned him to me or mentioned him doing anything regarding me or her in a very very long time. I think this shows progress in some way. Maybe she's forgiven me, she doesn't feel its me vs him (especially as she was in a way griping about him not doing something for her), I don't really know, but it was out of the ordinary.
"When I had my heart broken someone told me to fall in love with my best friend, so I fell in love with myself, and it's been the best f*cking relationship in my life"
YES!!!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
thats kinda my deal and has been.. i love myself..lol and my new freedom to be me.. brit.. you got this, you know that right? from a guys point of view.. he is pursuing. slowly. if you keep it together how you are, he will pick up speed. keep it up Xena!
I had a rough weekend. Well I had a super super busy weekend and I'm hormonal and even thought last week I felt very detached and was even questioning whether I had feelings for him, on Saturday night and Sunday and Sunday night all I could do was think of him and how much I missed him. It was tough.
I had a look through myDR book and in there I had a paper with my goals on it.
He would share his life with me - he's starting to do that He would invite me to do something outside of the house - he invited me to come along to dinner with him and S He would initiate texts - he does that now.
It's amazing how far we've come since the bomb drop at the end of May and yet how far I feel from him.
I emailed him on Sunday with the info on S's doctor apppointment. And I texted him randomly to say that I'd watched a movie filmed near where we're from in the states. He texted back to say he'd seen that movie and didn't think it was that good so didn't tell me about it. (The movie has a scene where a guy finds out his wife his cheating on him and tells her that he just wants them to be in love again and I was bawling like a baby!!) H then says he saw pictures of me and S at that event he couldn't go to. It looked amazing. etc.
This morning he met me and S at the train station. I bought him a sandwich from his favourite bakery to say thank you for taking time off work. I had it in my handbag and as I was walking to his car he holds out a container with food in it. I start cracking up laughing and pull out the sandwich. He misunderstood and goes oh you have food? and I said no, I bought you a sandwich.....and he "wow, that's very kind of you" He'd made a speciality dish from home that I can never get right. And he said you guys can have this for dinner. Then because it was raining he offered me a ride to work. I was giggling because it was raining and the 3 of us are cramming in his sports car. Then I say "does this have meat in it" because his GF is a vegetarian. And he goes yep! I even went and bought tofu (and I said what's the point!) and thought I'd try it. Then I got it home and said "sorry sweetheart it just doesn't work that way, so she didn't have any" he said sweetheart in sort of a rude way. And I did think that's a bit of a change. He's certainly standing up for himself.
So he dropped me off at work and I said thank you again for the ride and taking H to the doctor. I've been here 30 mins and he's texted me a picture of something funny at the medical center.
I don't know.....is he pursueing? He's very very laid back as a person. I did say in my email with the details of S's dr appt that it meant a lot to me that he was helping me with S and being there in sitches like this. I think that's something that was lacking during the M, me appreciating him as a co-parent. and the fact that he's still doing it means so so much to me.
i'm sorry you had a rough weekend - i have those days too and they confuse me. i guess we just do this in degrees
is it pursuing? well, to me it sounds like he's trying to move closer - so your job is to stay still and not let the expectations rise, right?
i imagine that he hasn't YET consciously realized that he is throwing out all these negative comments about ow. it may be the beginning of the crumbling.
whatever you're doing seems to be working so don't change anything. seems to me, that he has become comfortable enough around you to drop those comments - your reaction must be correct because he continues to do so. no sudden moves on your part, right - feral cat stuff....
you can have your 'bad' days - and you know what's funny - i'll have a really bad day - and then, out of the blue the next day h will do something totally unexpected and move closer. i think we get ourselves sooo cooked up!
chill out and let life happen, ok?
big hugs zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
he's testing the waters. sounds curious to me.. you might have to be the OW for a bit though..not in a perverted way..he's iniating contact. i wouldnt call it pursuit just yet. dont spook him.
and cheer up brit. you have told me i cant be perfect. so dont be hard on myself. you are doing great. keep it up.
I did beat myself up that maybe I was missing him and not feeling detached because maybe I had expectations. I really tried to examine myself about my expectations and finally decided that I just need to let the wave go through me and past me.
I make NO comments re: OW. About the meat thing I said nothing. When he talked about her parents making jokes, I changed the suject and talked about how I handle anti-american stuff at work and made a joke and moved on. Cheryl said never to say anything negative about her, point out that he seems unhappy at any time (or ever if we reconcile...just leave)
Cheryl did say I'd be the other woman but it was fine. That my job was to make him feel happy, loved, and wanted at home. She said make it easy for him to come home. He wants to. I did notice on Friday, he didn't wait at the front door he opened and knocked on his way in. It made me smile, because Zig had noticed her H starting to do the same thing.
I'm also trying not to do anything in general. I am just keeping everything upbeat, fun, and happy. He called me after the doctor appointment to give me the latest on S. He also texted me at lunch "thanks so much for the sandwich. such a nice unexpected surprise. And you know how much I like them" I'm blown away.....
I replied that I was happy he'd liked it, I'd hoped it would be a nice surprise. Told him it was equally an unexpected nice surprise that I'd be having his dish for dinner. that it had been way too long!
Quote:
i imagine that he hasn't YET consciously realized that he is throwing out all these negative comments about ow.
I think this is correct. I also think he hasn't noticed yet how comfortable he's getting around me.....
