Fixer, I'm very sorry that things are still the way they are for you and your wife. Many times the mlcer will act out the life the witnessed when they lived at home, i.e., the inlaws' marriage as you so mentioned.
What are you doing to keep busy? Are you taking care of yourself?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
