I know how frustrating it is to live w/an mlcer and you've done an outstanding job of putting up w/his behavior thus far.
You said what you had to say and now he's got to have some time to digest it.
He was acting out, just like a two yr. old because you asked him to turn the air conditioner off. If he's not happy about the way things are, he will need to come up w/a plan as to how he can change his life and become happy. He is trying every possible way to push your buttons to make you put him out...don't do it. If he wants to leave, then he is the one that should a plan to do so, not you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Omg you just re-enacted the exact same conversation I have had with H over and over. I am so sorry you have to deal with this mess I wish I had better words of encouragement. But again, just know you are not alone.
(((HRM)))
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I am new to your posts - but definitely not new to your situation. The EXACT same conversation took place in my kitchen 2.5 years ago. I am SO sorry that you were exposed to it - that anyone would be exposed to it. The words are cruel, hurtful, confusing, infuriating...you name it.
Your post also made me think of this weekend. My oldest D got married and I was pushed into a situation where I was closer to XH than I have been since all of this started. He was not just a stranger but also like an alien. No attachment to anyone or anything in a room that included his children and his former inlays who loved and supported him for 30 years. It was very sad and disheartening.
I can only advise you to continue taking very good care of yourself. In fact - it's called EXTREME SELF CARE. Avoid contact with him and spend a lot of time taking care of yourself. Use this site, read, walk, find your inner peace.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
hrm (( )) sorry that you had to go through that, I have been through similar situations, trying to reason with the alien toddler. take care of yourself.
Omigosh! The amount of times I've had similar convo's with my H, are more than I can count. I'm glad you got your adult points across. I loved how you told him that he knows where the door is. These MLCers are just so weird.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
hrm, How are you doing today? Did your h settle down yesterday after you addressed the issues w/him?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I want to start by thanking everyone for their words of encouragement and hugs, they are much appreciated!!
Snodderly~Today flat out sucked, not because of H but because of work, I feel like I can't win anywhere! I haven't actually seen H, expect briefly as he was walking to his room this morning, no interaction. Last night I didn't get home until around 10, I went to an old friends house, someone I haven't seen since high school, it was nice to catch up with her, she's a very positive person and strong in her faith, God brought her back into my life at the perfect time. Of course tonight H isn't home yet and it's after 9.... so back to escaping behaviors, Yea! (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm) Oh and the toothbrush is firmly planted on the far side of the sink. Who knows if he will contemplate the seeds I have planted, like I said he seemed as if he never even thought of the idea of a new and improved relationship. I just keep trusting everything to God, he has a plan. Every time I feel anxiety rise up I remind myself of that, and that H is a broken man, I have seen it when I look into his eyes. You have to be pretty broken to think I was trying to pick a fight over an AC being turned off.... gotta control it all... life is spinning so far out of control gotta control every little bit of it.... or pretend he can anyway. Oh when will rock bottom come? It saddens me to think he could choose to be in this replay behavior forever, eternally searching for happiness that can only be found within himself.
I also had a strange experience at the bank today. I went in to see about refinancing, I'm not sure if I will be able to swing it, but I keep praying God will all work it out. When I went in I said to the lady, I don't know anything about refinancing, but I need to, my husband is having a MLC and wants to leave so I need to see if I can afford the house on my own. She was very empathetic. After she told me about the options and gave me their mortgage lady's card (she travels to different branches, I will be calling her tomorrow), she asked me a lot of questions about the whole MLC thing. I answered her and mentioned this site and what a God send everyone here is. She then started to tell me some things her H has been doing and saying, and let me tell you, red flags abound.... so like I said I recommended her checking out this site as well as Hero's Spouse. She was very grateful for the recommendations. Isn't it funny the people who are brought into our lives at certain times?
warriorshadow~ Thank you for your kind words. During that last interaction with H I did begin to see the empty shell of a person he currently is, and it's sad. It makes me said to know I can't help and that he won't get the help he needs for himself. I am trying to continue to get a life, but with all the money that's going to be needed for the house situation funds are tight, but it will be ok, it will all work out the way it is supposed to, of this I am sure. I'm not sure if I will like it or not, but that doesn't matter in the big picture.
wishing, hoping~ Thank You! Just knowing you care are words of encouragement enough. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know I'm not going through this alone, even though I wish no one would ever have to feel this pain again.
irishblessings~Thank you for your advice. Trust me I am avoiding him as much as possible. I came home late last night, and he, well, just walked in a few minutes ago and it's a bit after 9 at the moment. So when I am done responding here I will retreat to my room, doors closed.
verab754 ~ Thank you! And LOL, I had a funny mental picture of an alien toddler, and it was running around in feety PJ's! (I'm strange, I know)
BeingMe~ Weird indeed... like hello if you are so hell bent on leaving shouldn't you realize you are going to need another place to live??? But no, wait, that's right I'M the crazy one.... LOL
Well apparently we are back to asking to use things... he just popped his head in and asked if I minded if he used the computer when I'm done. I just said, nope that's fine. I should have told him there would be a fee. LOL
Hello htm, I'm new here so won't offer any advice, but I liked what you said about starting a new relationship. That obviously made your H take notice.I like that you validated his feeling but stood up for yourself as well. I like that you told him you are standing for your M. I think you have given him a lot to think about. Well done.
Thank you GALbaby! Well I'm not sure what he's thinking about, but it seems like moving further away from me is where he is right now. Heaven forbid we think about a new/better relationship, just runaway. Or maybe that's what he has to do physically to block the closeness he feels for me in his head, who knows, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm done trying to figure out crazy.
Latest shenanigans in Crazytown: Tonight he went to the store apparently, there are some frozen pizza's in the freezer. However, when I looked out the bathroom window, which is directly above where he parks there was a bag from the store, with stuff like peanut butter, crackers, etc in it... so apparently we now can not even put our groceries in the pantry. Just another step away from me...
That's not going to make my hope or faith fade, I will continue to pray. I know that good man is in there somewhere. In the meantime I will focus on me and simply note behaviors, no more anxiety... Gotta get my ducks lined up in a row...
As I type this he just came back to inform me there are frozen pizzas in the freezer and chips and salsa (apparently they could go in the pantry) if I want any.
