In home separation? Off / On? Still WAW? Dunno

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Chatterbug, YC & Mr Bond for your advice the other day...

Chatterbug you asked me to do the following..

The problem with knowing about it is if it is not for you at all. And arrived a day late.

I would do a little verification. Just to make sure.

I'd done a little bit of thinking on this one & my W was sending a package back - so half the stuff she ordered is being sent back ( so it's just 1 outfit & mr rabbit staying).

I was running this through my head how I'd bring it up & after about 10 minutes I came to the conclusion, it doesn't really matter who it's for to me.

I said that the sex had been sporadic with sometimes 2 - 3 weeks between, well lately I'm the one who intiates everything & for the last couple of weeks I haven't wanted to initiate anything.

I said I felt detached, well right now I've totally lost interest in her & what she is or isn't doing.

For the first time since the bomb I feel completely at ease with myself, my focus is off my W and it's firmly on my kids, my friends & myself.

The last R talk that we had about 3 weeks ago, my W complained that we hadn't got any closer or that things hadn't changed, so I stated my boundary clearly about her contact with the OM @ dancing by saying,

'While you are still in contact and dancing with him, whether anything is still going on or not, we can't get any closer. I won't be a part of any love triangle. You cannot expect me to be OK with you still seeing him in any way, shape or form, and for us to try & work though our issues whilst this is happening'.

I'm starting to see just how significant this statement was, 'cause since then she has carried on dancing anyway. I have pulled back completely because of this, no ML - no pursuing at all.

Without realising it at the time, I may as well have asked her to choose & since she's not willing to give up dancing with him, I still know her choice.

I'm not upset, I'm not full of regrets, I'm accepting what is actually happening now.

I refuse to be seduced by by my W anymore to keep me where I've been (limboland) the past few months.

I'm gonna sit this out, keep working on me, connect more with my friends & spend as much time with my kids as possible.

This is my life right now, IF and WHEN my W is done with this guy I'll see what's left.

I don't trust my W at all and she has no respect for me in what she is continuing to do.

I can't have a R with anyone who I don't trust and doesn't respect me.

I stated before what would help me regain my trust in my W, unless these things change, I haven't got a chance to see if I could begin to trust her again.

Although this post might seem like I'm down, I'm honestly not feeling down, if anything I think I'm starting to see this sitch clearly for what it is.

So my new goal is to GAL a hell of a lot more, distance myself more from my W & see how events unfold.

I think it's time for me to stop being her plan B

Bill