Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

I just spent the evening with a wise, wise friend. We went on a walk close to dusk and I gave her an update of my sitch as she's been helping me along this incredible journey. It was really such a beautiful night and I feel grateful to have her as a friend.

Some things that really stood out to me that she said...

When H tells me things like how much he wants his family back together and that he misses me, she said to think of those words coming out of his mouth and disappearing into thin air. Do not hang on to them... just let them go. That way I can have true indifference towards the situation. It goes very much with believe none of what they say but with me being a very visual person... this will be a lot easier for me to remember while I'm in the moment.

Picture H being on a roller coaster and you're walking on "your path." You know at the end of your path that there is joy and happiness (as I continue to work on myself and stay true to myself). H wants you to join him on his roller coaster and he'll keep calling out to you... hey, come over here, come ride with me (i.e. all I want is my family back together and I miss you). And what ends up happening is you come towards him and veer off your path and all the sudden you get stuck in thorns and by this time H has decided to ride off in a motorcycle with OW and ditch you. She told me... stay on your path and if he wants to join you, he will make the necessary changes and actions to do it.

We talked for hours. She amazes me with her wisdom. I told her, you seriously just summed up about 5 months of researching into 2 hours. And she hasn't even been through what I've been through. I was amazed.

I told her that I would do regular check-ins with her just to let her know if I've stayed on course. I also told her it would be a good idea for me to write a date in my calendar of how long I want to go without having a R talk with H. I said, two months is good for now and then hopefully by the time I get there I will easily be able to go another two months. This is why the check-ins would be necessary just to have someone to report to and help keep me strong when I'm feeling I might be losing control or letting my emotions get the best of me.

Visuals, visuals, visuals. This is how my mind works and I'm hoping this is the start of some really good DB'ing.

On another note... our T met with H last week and called me yesterday and told me he would like to meet with me. He wants to just go over some things that were said and give me a perspective of where H is at right now. I'm meeting with him tomorrow. I do not plan to say much. This will be mostly for me to hear a 3rd party perspective of what's really going on here. He did tell me that it's not all bad so don't think it is. At this point, I don't really know if there's a whole lot he could tell me that H hasn't already said, but we'll see. Sometimes hearing it from someone else gives a new perspective. I do not plan to meet with this T regularly. My H is going to be meeting with him weekly and I'm happy for that. He needs it.