Dear TVS, I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom to help your sitch as you do me, but I'm new to this and find my thoughts jumping around too from...Does H want me to initiate something? Sometimes it seem that way in his actions. I know part of what he feels is our problem was that I didn't care enough about putting him first, before kids and friends. So I wonder if it would be a 180 if I did initiate something with him. I keep resisting because I don't want to get ahead of myself. I often wonder if that creates a situation where because no-one is prepared to move forward, nothing changes and you end up in a stalemate situation. Am trusting the judgement of the more experienced on this one and staying lovingly distant.
One thing my DB coach suggested to me was to invite H to do something (nothing too intimidating) so I asked him to help me with clothes dryer and buying Son a birthday card. This is where he has refused. She did tell me to have no expectations and to go with out him anyway.
However, I have also asked him to attend a dinner organised with a group of friends. He seems to have no problem with that. We can still make a connection and have fun in a non-threatening environment. I look forward to that possibility.
In the meantime I must remember to tell myself to have no expections and keep GAL'ing. Actually sometimes I'm so GAL'ED out I just can't GAL anymore. LOL.
