Boundaries are a great convo when the LBS does the "what if we R" discussion. Then, we plan all those boundaries that we'd have...
and then there's no hope to R because the WAS would have too high a wall to get over...
One can try to differentiate between marital boundaries and personal boundaries. In the end, they're really one in the same to the WAS. They carry no weight for the WAS. Maybe, just maybe they might work, as the LBS stands like a rock with boundary in hand. Which then follows... is that a hill the LBS is prepared to die on?
If the answer is yes? Then so be it. Like an A is a major boundary for many. Many find that an A may not quite be the boundary for them they thought it was.
As we say on this board, don't worry about whether you would take the WAS back. Right now... they aren't coming back... Right now, boundaries mean nothing to the WAS because they aren't concerned about whether you'd take them back... they aren't concerned about "keeping the road home paved and smooth"...
If the LBS sits and thinks about all the bad things about the WAS and what the WAS would need to change. And come to the conclusion that the WAS would not change or at least the LBS fears the WAS will not change... that is the same mindset as the WAS... and all hope...? might as well dump it...
Best revenge? Figure out how to become the best person that only a fool would leave, so they hopefully come back so that you can then assert your boundaries...
So... work on changing ourselves so the WAS WANTS to come back... then... be open to them coming back...
And THEN... consider what boundaries you might have... or whether you actually want them back...
