here's what's helped me in these "ditches" Remember when we were talking about our H's sometimes acting like martyrs and denying themselves time with us or whatever....I think we do that sometimes deny ourselves opportunities because we're worried it's pursuit.
our sitches are in these weird limbo phases where our H's have GFs, but are still acting very friendly with us. What's helped me after Cheryl advised me to be fun, friendly, flirty, loving, etc. was to think how would I act with a friend?
If you had run into any other friend in that restaurant and said hey do you want to order with us and they said no that's fine...you would have turned around and said we'll be out on the terrace or at the very least "so funny to run into you hear, have a good dinner" something...you wouldn't have walked off. So don't worry that you have to "show him what it's like to be separated" I think you're in a different place.
This is a really important message IMHO for all newbies and regulars, here. I still consider myself "just out of LRT", having decided I was ready about three months ago.
LRT is for us. It helps us get our feet under us and can help us detach to a point that LRT is no longer necessary...
once again, everyone now... LRT is temporary
Once we are ready to re-engage, and we practice not reacting and having no expectations... then we can be friends with these people, just like we are with our "other" friends.
If they feel we are pursuing, they will let us know by distancing themselves. Take note when they distance. What happened just before they distanced. What can we do different so they don't feel like they are getting pursuit pressure?
And, we don't have to tie ourselves in a knot over what happened, because that's the way it is...
If I ask a friend to do something and they say no... I might ask them again at a later date... and if they say no... then I might consider something is up and give them a little space and time... and then re-engage them some time in the future when things might be better for them...
UNLESS we are LRT... we should not be worrying about whether something is pursuit...
If we have expectations and therefore are needy, clingy, emotional, "on the roller coaster" and actively pursuing... Then we should probably go LRT...
The whole idea of showing someone what it's like to be separated or divorced... that could be coming from a place of fear, pain, and anger...
rather... come from a positive, loving place...
show them what it's like to be a friend with you... how freakin' awesome it would be for them to be friends with such a great person, like yourself!
