i don't know if you;re still up to see this tonight - but you'll be happy to know that i did go!!
i did have mixed feelings - but i saw how my old pattern arose - and i realized that the discomfort i was feeling was that i had to break that pattern. that though i was so upset at how he had treated s, and my old way was to withdraw - i had to fight it and say, no, i can still go there and be okay with h.
the in-laws were there, and a couple of other kids and one of their dad's. i sort of stayed around the kids at the other end, and h made his way over. he made a point of letting me know he was sorry he had missed my call, and i said casually that oh, i finished what i had planned to do and decided to join them.
later i was on the raft - looking very nice, haha, and he came over to that end of the pool and lay on one of the chairs for quite while, chatting with me.
he's going to a wedding at 5 this evening and s is staying with his parents for the night. he went on about how he didn't really want to go but it was going to be fun and he was going to go.
i was hoping for an invite - but of course that would have been to much to ask for!
i didn't stay long and got in the shower as he was getting ready to leave. i'm back now and glad i went
everything you wrote helped click it back into place. you articulated everything i was feeling. thank you
i'm so grateful that you are one step ahead of me in this process and can see so clearly and pick up what is going on.
even more thankful that despite what a long day you had - you took the time to write all that out.
i'm still a bit quaky so off to do my meditation that always gets me grounded again, and back to organizing my surroundings
thanks so much zig
ps: i don't suppose i could ask him if i could join himm this evening, could i?????
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
