FWIW, I got the same "the kids will be fine" speech. They are not fine. They need help and guidance. They are looking to you for it and as a father you need to give it to them. You teach them through your actions and beliefs. You won't fool them , so find a way to be honest without bad-mouthing your ex. It's in the kids' best interest.
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My uncertain reality is in how I'm handling things with the kids and my W. I don't blame their mom, but when pressured I don't hide the fact that it was her decision to leave. I don't know what they would understand and I don't want them to give her the impression that I'm peeing on her good name. I don't know what to say or how much to say. To my W I say even less, but keep my voice upbeat and positive - or try to.
It's not about her when this question comes up. You're not peeing on her name. You're telling the truth. It was her decision and you are abiding by it even if you don't agree with it. They already know but are looking to you for your take.
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Why do I dread seeing her and why am I happy she's moved out and taken almost everything?
Um really? How long were you in limbo again? I know this one... I've been there and done that. I too felt guilty for being glad she was gone. Or rather, that I had a break. Nobody wants to live in that world for very long and you've been at it for quite some time. Don't feel guilty about it. It's not worth feeling guilty about. It was her decision and not one you wanted. You told her that, she knows it, and she did it anyway. So be it, right?
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Why am I not furious, but rather, indifferent.
Be careful what you ask for Realistically, you will at some point feel the anger. It comes out in your posts; it's there just below the surface, but you don't seem to have allowed yourself to feel it. Yet.
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What I also see is S12 becoming emotionally detached like me in his future relationships. I see S6 growing up trying to make his relationships work, but throwing in the towel because he doesn't know how to stand and fight.
It's too early to tell what your S will do or won't do. He is his own person that is influenced by you and your ex. But you'll be surprised to see that he'll figure out what he is about over time. At times, they favor one parent and then the other. It's part of growing up and how they figure out their personality. What you see now is a point in time coupled with tendancies and personality traits. The cake isn't finished yet though. Still being baked.
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My faith will not let me move on. My reality is that I can't let go of my faith in being the best person capable of helping me, my W and our kids. My reality is that I'm afraid to think of my life beyond 1 week at a time because I'm afraid/frustrated when my faith takes control of my thought process.
What are you afraid of exactly? I'm not sure I followed that part. I can tell you that you have to let your w take her trip. I know you aren't ready to do that yet, but you do. I've been there and watched that train wreck, or rather one like it. You can only control you. You can only influence your kids. Your W has to figure herself out. I know you say you have faith in her. Do you though? Or do you feel like you need to be part of that process "just in case"? What happens if you're not there? Does your faith in what you can't see still exist? Does your W still do what she is going to do whether you see or not?
Just asking...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Realistically, you will at some point feel the anger. It comes out in your posts; it's there just below the surface, but you don't seem to have allowed yourself to feel it. Yet.
