Funny thing HRM is I noticed H has a travelling toothbrush too. For the longest time it was gone from the master bathroom and he kept it in his "room". The other day I noticed it was right next to mine in the toothbrush holder actually touching. I laughed out loud. At least we know we are not alone in this madness.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
LOL. I'm reading this and thinking that the next thread started would be "The Toothbrush Chronicles - Part 1"
Almost funny sometimes, isn't it? I mean, if you can stand back and watch from a distance, like watching a soap opera or something.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
My friends are somewhat entertained by H's shenanigans. Grab some popcorn and a drink and enjoy the show. Might as well see the humor in it all. Better than crying.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I never told this story. Back in January, where I was back in the masterbedroom and STBXH was still there, I was working on "Staging the house. So I cleaned up my sink and took my ratty toothbrush mug away aand put my toothbrush in the cute little Palm Tree toothbrush holder that is by H's sink.
He actually seemed to be mad that my toothbrush was "Near" his. I remember thinking how darn funny that was....... Sneaky darn toothbrush.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
hrm, Where is the toothbrush today? Move it and see if he tells you about it. It's time to have some innocent fun w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello all! Made it back safely from Philly, glad to be home too! I'm definitely a country girl. Driving in Philly sure is a pain, you can only turn at about every third light and apparently they are against putting lines on the road so people know where the turning lanes are! LOL
Takevowsserious~I too like being an adult, apparently they didn't get the memo that being an adult doesn't mean you can't be silly and have fun while being responsible... perhaps they should collectively hop on the clue train! While video taping may seem like a good idea, I'm sure they would definitely twist it to make it seem like what they are doing is perfectly logical. I have learned not to argue with crazy. I have also learned silence truly is golden.
Kaffe~ lmao, you are too funny! Yeah, we apparently can't share friends (or relatives) either.... apparently he got custody of his entire crazy family (fine by me, less crazy to deal with at one time the better), and I apparently got sole custody of my family (even though they would have a relationship with him).... also friends of mine he had become friends with too are apparently in my custody as well. Guess they are like toddlers sometimes, no sharing!!! Honestly, I think they have to work very hard to convince everyone in their lives (including themselves) they are right, happy, and making the right decisions, when clearly they are not. Rationalization= Rational LIES we tell ourselves. We can add those to projection, aren't defense mechanisms fun???
wishing, hoping~ It is nice not to be alone in this madness, that's for sure! Keep an eye on that toothbrush, I'm sure it will continue it's travels! On the up side you can laugh at it now, and it serves as a good reminder of the confusion that must be going on in his head. I mean how hard is it to commit to putting a toothbrush back in the holder? Laughing is definitely better than crying... I just don't think there's enough popcorn in the world for this show.... Speaking of popcorn I did discover the awesomeness of salt and vinegar popcorn, YUM! Also, love the Lifetime movie idea! I could totally see it, it would be most viewed by far!
AJM~I like your ideas! The toothbrush chronicles has a nice ring to it! LOL Honestly, yeah, if you step back and take your own emotional connection to the situation out of it, and all the hurt and pain, it's extremely funny.... who needs soap operas! Not me that's for sure,living one's way more soap opera than I need!
Wendy~ Of course he was mad, you never know, those toothbrushes might start talking, and conspiring! LOL Or maybe, just maybe, you would get the wrong idea because his toothbrush touched yours! Hard to know in Crazytown, could be anything! Thank you for sharing the story, it made me laugh.
Snodderly~His toothbrush is still on the far side of the sink. Gotta make sure it's good and far away from mine. lol Every time I clean the bathroom I put it back in the holder, he never says a word. He usually moves it back when he uses it next, sometimes he lets it in there until I do or say something he doesn't like.
Today was the first time I spoke to H since last Sunday, and it's only because he had to ask me to sign the registration for "his" car. He seemed down, don't know, he's been a texting fool again these last few days. I am doing pretty good at detaching, just constantly reminding myself not my problem, not about me. I'm sure he will be out a lot the next few days, he usually is when I've been away or out late, and I have done both recently. I'm guessing we have to prove a point, don't know what that point is because I'm not in his messed up mind, but a point no the less. After I got back from Philly yesterday I ended up going to the drive in with another friend so I didn't get home until 2:30, and the night before I went to Philly (Thursday night)the same friend and I had gone to see a movie and I didn't get home until 1:30 which is not usual for me on a work night. So I hope that's some good mystery, but whatever, I'm enjoying GAL and being with people who enjoy being in my company. Contrary to Crazytown belief, I'm a fun person, who's worthwhile to be around!
Glad you had fun in Philly. Next weekend H is taking the kids camping and I will have the weekend by myself. I have made plans with friends for both evenings. Pinch me!!! Although something will probably come up where H will need me because Lord knows I am not able to have a life of my own.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I don't know where to start with this, so here it goes. I was forced into a conversation with H, all because I asked him to turn off the AC because I had the windows open. Now I'm a freaking train wreck again... let me explain.
Last night when H came home he went to his bedroom and turned the AC on, he shut the door, but to me, who is paying the electric bill now it seemed stupid to have the AC on in 1 room, while the windows were open in the rest of the house. I went back and asked him to turn it off, wasn't rude or anything. He apparently didn't like that, but he did it. I went back out to the other end of the house and did my own thing and sat outside for awhile just trying to learn how to "be still in the Lord". I eventually came back in and started cooking dinner, a dinner I would not eat.
H came out to the kitchen quite pissed off and said we need to talk about this situation NOW! I just looked at him like a deer in the headlights. I'm going to say this now, I said somethings that were NOT the DB way, but as Kimmerz said to me a long time ago sometimes things just need to be said. I did end up crying despite my effort to fight back tears, and I yelled a little, not a lot, but to get my point across, MLC or not he needs to see how HIS decisions affect other people. I didn't beg or anything thing like that.
He told me he wanted me to have a plan. He said he's calling a realtor tomorrow to sell the house. I told him no, I don't want to move, it's not fair for him to make all of my choices for me, he's already turned my life completely upside down he shouldn't be able to take my home too. I told him I want to refinance the house. He said he just wants out, same crap, only reason is he just doesn't feel that way anymore, not in love with me. He also said he didn't want any responsibility (that's the only thing he said I believe). I again stood by love being a choice and work, not just some happy feeling.
He just kept going on and on about he doesn't believe I take him seriously and he's been telling me I need a plan and it's been 9 months. I told him I have never kept him here he knows where the door is, he could walk out it any time. He said he was trying not to do that, he was trying to do the right thing. I kinda chuckled at that, I said the right thing is not running away from your marriage. He again called it a situation. At this point I got angry, enter yelling Heather. I told him I am not a situation, I am person. I will not be talked to like that, he has no idea how I feel and needs to stop telling me I'll get over it I'll be fine. H said he does know how I feel. This pissed me off. I said no, you have no idea and you won't ever. But it doesn't matter as long as you are happy, that's all that matters, so go ahead find your happiness I will not be what you blame for being unhappy (he had accused me of not wanting him to be happy). He also said he's filing for divorce, I said that's fine, I won't sign so have fun being married to me for 2 more years, because I will continue to stand for our marriage.
I said something about him being selfish. He said so what, you want me to keep pretending. Fine forget all of this lets get back together right now and I'll do everything I can to make you happy, that way one of us will be happy. I told him absolutely not, the old relationship is dead. I told him I know that we could build a new and better relationship but I don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He said he would go to counseling if that would make me happy. I told him I don't want him to go because he would be there with one goal in mind, to get me to accept this, and that's not going to happen.
I told him he's selfish and I don't know who he's become. He's apparently decided this is the real him and he's been pretending for years.... yeah, ok, whatever, I know it's crap, I kept my mouth shut. I did tell him I understand what he is saying, and have these past 9 months but understanding doesn't mean I am agreeing with it. I told him I'm sorry he feels that way several times and did validate more than before.
He never apparently thought of building a new relationship, he asked me how that would work. I told him I would have to think about that and let him know, he said ok. He asked me why I would ever want to rebuild a relationship with someone so selfish and has done what he has done and has hurt so many people (don't know who these other people are, didn't ask either). I told him because I know inside he is a good man and I believe in him. He had a look of pain on his face when he heard that. We sat there in silence for awhile, I saw monster let go and give way to depression right before my eyes, and saw monster come back.... what an internal battle. He truly is a broken man. It's a shame he has surrounded himself with a really crappy support system, the American, do what you want, as long as you are happy, everyone else will be ok, it doesn't matter anyway, type people. I'm tired of people acting like marriages are disposable, where is the commitment anymore? I'm also tired of Sunday morning Christians, who sit in their pews and say they are people of God and then go about the rest of there week and not reflect it. I'm referring to his one co-worker, man of God my ass. Sorry, just had to vent there.
Also during our discussion I said something like, so what you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore, you are just going to leave and be some guy in an apartment? That's what you want for your life? (this was after he said he didn't want any responsibility and this isn't about being with anyone else, he just wants to do his own thing). He got this strange look on his face, like he didn't realize he would have to move somewhere else, and he said something to the affect of I guess I would have to get an apartment or something. It was almost like he was saying it to himself and not me. It's just more proof that they have these crazy thoughts but don't think the whole way through. Unless he's moving back in with mommy he's going to have responsibility. He's gonna have to pay for where ever he would move, not to mention the amount of money a divorce costs, so he's not going to be able to go shooting every weekend like does now. I also told him I would not be friends with him outside of our marriage. That would not be fair to me, and way too painful.
You know I get so tired of being told I'm an amazing person, and then being told I don't want to be married to you. Really messes with a person's head, you're good, just not good enough. WTF.
I did tell him, twice I think, I have always loved and respected him, and I do want him to be happy. I hope he finds his happiness, but I will not stand here and lie to him so he can feel better about running away.
He must have seen my book Men in Midlife Crisis sitting on my dresser because he said something to the effect of this not being a crisis, or whatever else I might think it could be this is just who he is. I didn't say anything, but caught the wording.... gee perhaps he should pick that book up and see himself in it.
He went on to say he doesn't want kids now. He's 36 and he it's enough to try and keep his life straight he doesn't want to bring a life into this world and fvck it up to. (again responsibility). I said I don't know if I want kids either some days. He told me I shouldn't be giving up my dreams to try and keep him. I laughed and said I'm not, I won't give up my dreams for anyone, but I don't know what my dreams are anymore. I said some days yeah I want kids, some days I'm glad I don't have any, but whatever God's plan is will be. He's like you will find someone and have the family you want. I told him to stop planning my life for me. I don't want to be in a relationship if this is the road it could lead down. Also I have been talking on the kid issue in counseling. Who knows maybe I'll adopt on my own. He got another strange look on his face. I feel like he has this fantasy life for me worked out in his head so he feels better and he doesn't realize it's not real until I say something he didn't really consider.
Wow, I have get to work, gonna be late. Sorry this is long and a jumbled mess, it's not in the order of the conversation and I know I haven't put everything in, but you get the idea. So thoughts? Good or bad, I like to read the comments. Like I said, I know I did some not so DB things, but I felt I needed to say what I said. Reality needs to knock on fantasy worlds door sometimes and invite it's self in...
Driving in Philly sure is a pain, you can only turn at about every third light and apparently they are against putting lines on the road so people know where the turning lanes are! LOL