Trying to find the best answer for you on this question, I will use something written by one of my friends.
Originally Posted By: RollercoasterRider
Mirror-Work is not about your relationship and how you interact with others, but it will change how you interact as you change inside; changes in relationships are a byproduct of internal changes.
Mirror-Work is not about fixing. Many of you are focused on flaws and fixing and since you think you have few flaws, you are puzzled. You like yourself. So what? Does that mean you should stop learning and growing? Your body is changing; maybe there are new things you should learn simply about aging, being a parent of teenagers or college students or a parent of new parents. Life moves forward. Should your physician stop reading The New England Journal of Medicine because his flaws are slight?
Self-Focus is not about correcting and fixing all the things wrong with you. It’s about focusing on your Self with Love, loving who you are and embracing life with joy—your individual life.
Redirect your thoughts from those awful fears and images you can’t get out of your mind. But they are more than that. I’m an introvert, so these work for me because they are solitary. It’s about quiet time with my thoughts, talking to God, emptying my thoughts and accepting what comes in and it is a time for my body to relax. Creativity is another great spark: painting, dancing, sculpting, building… Become the builder and put your mind into creation. Writing, journaling, poetry, story-telling… Or exercise: go find the runner’s high, take yoga…
Notice how those are not direct. They aren’t about you having a problem with anger and going to an anger management class where you learn about controlling your anger and what triggers you and maybe some psychology of anger—I’ve heard those classes are a joke anyway. Those techniques are not focusing on problems; they aren’t even focusing on solutions; they focus simply on you.
And you don’t need to think of this Mirror-Work as a journey like a temporary transition. It’s life. It’s the 4th commandment: Remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy. It’s about carving out a space within your day or week (and life) for rest—Sabbatical. It’s about using that time to focus on you and your relationship with your Higher Power and what it means—whatever it may refer to. Mirror-Work is about Self-Love, not Self-improvement which is a natural byproduct of loving your Self.
For me, having NO expectations of someone means that they mean absolutely nothing to you, and you mean nothing to them. But maybe that is a good place to be with H.
I think when you are really detached then the love that you have for someone can be put away in a box up on the shelf.
You can still have NO EXPECTATIONS and move forward with your life.
Meaning... it is a very narrow, personal experience...
Expectations have a tendency to put meaning to something that... of itself... has NO meaning...
If you take away the expectations, you take away any meaning...
A meaning is the basis for a reason...
Expectation: I expect my spouse to have sex with only me
Meaning: It means my spouse loves and respects me
Reason: My spouse had sex with someone else so I will stop loving them
Personally, I knew that I should have no expectations of my spouse when we got M. Then, I began to put meaning to her words and actions (she loves me). And THEN when she began to change, it conflicted with the expectations that I had started to create. So then I had a reason to be mad at her (or sad for myself) for her actions or words.
Our vows... might appear to encompass expectations... as we project them onto our spouses... when we say "I promise to..." we are projecting on our spouse that is what we expect OF THEM...
When we say our vows, we best be saying them as... this is what I AM committed to... and live that... our spouse may or may not do the same... that's all there is to it... no expectations... no meaning... no reasons...
