Thanks for that, because this all feels so damned crazy making you know? Seriously...WHY and HOW DO THESE PEOPLE DO THIS? I mean do we LBS send out the "bat signal" through the skies saying " attention! we're now feeling great about ourselves and our ex's are no longer center of our attention!life is getting good!" ??? Do these people see this and have a 6th sense and feel they must ruin it for us?
Im on my soap box here but I don't care. My objective way of looking at this whole MLC, thing is it all comes down to them feeling a loss of control in their lives. Loss of control and power is what all abuse stems from. It also is where co dependency starts too. So my guess is, these MLCers tear out of our lives like an F-5 tornado and leaving just as much destruction behind them. WE;re left with the clean up....and as we all know some of the destruction is just not completely repairable. But as these people are tearing down life's path they're always looking back. They leave us because they didn't feel in control, so they look for it elsewhere. They think they find it elsewhere, but they look back and see they've lost control in the life they walked away from. So they try to keep that control from what they walked away from and what they walked into. So I can see where burning the candle at both ends can and will eventually catch up with them...if they're lucky, and bring on a few ephiphanies to get their priorities in order, and start having a little remorse for the havoc they've wreaked in everyone's life.
You know, lets be realistic here. Anybody we're friends with, even on a plutonic level....we are not detatched. It's human nature!
I feel detatched from people I meet in passing. I feel detatched from aquaintences you make...like the cashier at the grocery store. You know people you have small interactions with. Or maybe someone you were friends with long long ago and never see anymore. Even then if you were good friends, if you find something unfortunate happens to them, it's natural to be concerned.
I don't think it's possible for the WAS nor the LBs to be completely detatched. A good majority of it can be obtained over a certain amount of time, but if you had a life and a family with this person, it will always be there with you, no matter how hard we try.
All i know is that I have to really watch my buttons being pushed by XH. However when he pushes boundaries, it's very important I stand up to him and tell him NO. And that's all he's been doing ever since he left.
Friends tell me he sounds like he's frustrated with OW and taking it out on me. From what I heard it doesn't sound like he's really happy with OW, but rather stuck with her. At the same time it sounds as if he's trying to recreate with her, the happiest time he had with me. After I clear the crap he hurtles at me and listen to his words and actions when he's being nice, to me it seems he really does miss being parents with me, and the family unit we all 4 had together. He should because it was a very happy and fun place to be, all 4 of us, when he was sulking or pouting about him being so miserable in life.
After it's all said and done I feel like Im dealing with a mean and defiant child that likes to bully people.
Glad to say that through my youth I got bullied a few times.
Proud to say I never backed down and always stood up to them......and they backed off and left me alone.
I never thought in a million years that through divorce I would end up acting out playground scenarios with my ex. But when you have a 41 year old man using play ground tactics, over adult and parenting issues, where do you draw the line? Some things I just may not be able to walk away from. And I swear he's having a hay day with this because the divorce is over and I don't have my attorney in my corner anymore.
There is my rant and my rave, and my on my soap box.
I swear Im moving into a cave deep in the wilderness where i won't ever be bothered again!
