Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

Today I called my MIL since I hadn't spoken to her since she visited a few weeks ago. I can tell she's still upset that H and I haven't gotten back together.

At one point, she told me that she was trying to be more like me and just sit back and let him do what he needed to do, without giving him suggestions. She knows that he'll rebel against anything she says and she doesn't want to make the sitch work.

She'd said that she wished she could just tell him to go back to me, but it wouldn't work. I tried to lighten the mood by telling her that if he was that much of a mama's boy to do exactly what she said, I probably wouldn't want him back anyway!

She told me again that I was like a daughter to her and she just wanted both of us to be happy. She'd love us to get back together, but if that didn't happen, she still wanted me to keep in touch because I'm a part of the family.

I'm actually closer to H's family than my own and his is so much larger, so it'll be hard to lose all of them if I do.

It's just nice to hear from someone who knows both of us, but especially H, and to get confirmation that I'm doing the right thing.

She wants me to make things harder on H, not offering to help him out when he's in a jam or doing things for him. She wants him to experience what life will really be like if he divorces me.

I'm doing better at not giving H advice or offering to help. He has to fly out of town on Thursday for an interview and won't be back until Friday.

My SS10 will be in town on Monday for five weeks and while I'd love to keep him overnight while H is gone, I'm not going to offer. If H asks, I'll gladly do it, because I do want to spend time with SS, but it's not my place to help H out anymore.

If he wants to be a single man, he has to figure out how to rearrange his life when he has custody of his son. And I'm definitely not going to offer to watch him if H is trying to hang out with his friends.

SS is only with him for a few weeks in the summer and then he'll be going back out of state, so H really should rearrange his schedule to spend as much time with him as possible. That's what I'd do if I knew when I'd be given the opportunity to see him.

It's hard for me because I'm just his stepmother and may not even be that soon if H decides to file the paperwork. But SS is turning 11 in less than three weeks and I've known him since he was 4. There's a good chance he'll be the only child I'll ever have and I can't imagine losing him too.

Just thinking about this is making me sad and I'm already in a bad mood because H is at a dance club with his new "friend" and her friends. I've begged for years to go dancing and we never did.

Yet, I'm the one who never wanted to go out and have fun. I just didn't want to go out with his guy friends all the time and wanted time with just the two of us or couples. The new girl doesn't fit in with the friends who are his age, so H just joined her group instead. Glad he made the effort for her, and not me...

Except Wednesday, when he hung out with me, I realized he's spent time with her every day this week. And when things are going well, he doesn't feel the need to contact me. At this point, she still doesn't want to date him, but he's interested in her, so I'm just a side note.

Two weeks until the house is sold and we can go our separate ways. We'll have nothing except a cell phone bill and possible car insurance to deal with.

If he wants to contact me, he can make the effort. I'm done pursuing. I need to drop the rope.