I haven't gotten much input, but sometimes it helps just to type things out...
The latest is that H and I got together this past week before he left the state to visit his brother. Said he wanted to give me a check for his part of the household expenses, and it occurred to me that he could have just mailed it...interesting.
He's continued to stay at the lake house, but is saying that he does not think it is good for him to be by himself. I didn't ask what he meant by that because I told myself I am not going to repeat past mistakes by trying to get him to see he is depressed. I'm just trying to be supportive and listen. He has been withdrawing from everyone, so I don't know that he sees returning to his mother's house as an option. Definitely won't stay with dad. I don't think he'll want to return to our home, and don't know that this is the best idea anyway given his instability. I worry that he'll decide to get an apartment, in which case I'm done because if he can commit to a year-long lease then to me that is a sign he has no intention of working our way back together again.
He seems very interested/intrigued by my cheerfulness and the many activities I'm busying myself with. Each time I talk with him he says "You seem like you're doing really well." Like a broken record, he says this over and over again. Last time I just said I am doing the best I can and keeping myself busy. The last time I saw him he asked me what I had been thinking about our relationship. I said that my feelings haven't changed, and that I still want to work on us when he's ready. The man still seriously needs to address his depression before anything really meaningful could be done about our relationship, but instead of continuing to try convincing him of this, I just keep hoping he'll realize it himself. I've planted the seeds, and ultimately he has to be the one invested in improving his current state.
As depressed as he is, I still worry that he will sleep with someone else while visiting his brother, whose moral compass doesn't exactly point due north. He is drinking a LOT so who knows what he'll do. I just keep telling myself ultimately I can't control what he does.
